


Burning Through Scars of the Past

by Catw00man



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Future, Community: fmabigbang, First anime, Future Fic, M/M, Post CoS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-28
Updated: 2013-02-28
Packaged: 2017-12-03 22:26:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/703310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catw00man/pseuds/Catw00man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Twenty years after Ed and Al disappeared through the gate they show up back in Amestris, deep under Central, barely alive. Roy struggles to understand what’s happened on the other side to break the bond between the brothers and to understand this new man Ed’s become.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is inspired by an amazing piece of art created by the very talented artist [**RemaintoBreathe**](http://remaintobreathe.livejournal.com/). I was thrilled to have the chance to work with her and you can see her lovely art at the the end of the last chapter. A big thanks to her for inspiring me and challenging me to write a story based in the first FMA anime universe! This is set about 20 years after the movie CoS.
> 
> Written for the 2012 round of [fmabigbang](http://fmabigbang.livejournal.com).  
> 

If there’s one person in this world he doesn’t like to ask a favor of it’s Winry Rockbell. But when both the boys disappeared through the gate, he had no choice. Neither of them left him one. All he was left with was Alphonse shouting at him to make sure the portal was sealed as he leaped over to the flying machine his brother was on and disappeared from the their world probably for the last time. There was nothing but trust in Al’s eyes as he grinned and called him General once more even though Roy had already told him he was no longer that man. So he was left to carry out his task without knowing a thing about it.

He knows plenty about alchemy, more than most alchemists with his mastery of fire and air. But gates and portals to other worlds? That’s not something he’d ever seen in all his years of research. Turns out you don’t have much time for recreational study of the obscure when you’re working your way to the top. Maybe it’s something he should have taken up when he relinquished his rank, but how could he have ever known what things would come? That’s why he had to go to Miss Rockbell, head bowed in shame, to ask for any notes Alphonse had left behind. 

Surprisingly, she didn’t throw him out immediately. Even more surprising she was willing to help and had the resources he needed, or at least enough to get him started. It took three months of going through Al’s notes along with those Al had somehow collected of his father’s before Roy felt like he had a real idea about what happened. It took another two before he felt he knew enough to do what they asked. But it took another thirty three more days before he finally felt he could do it. He was locking the door behind them and it was no easy task.

Alchemically it wasn’t difficult. Any half decent alchemist probably could’ve handled it. But to know he was taking the option away from them from ever coming home was another story altogether. That’s why he left the tiniest loophole open, even though he knew the chances of it being used were more than a little slim. The boys made their choice without looking back. That’s the way it should have ended. How horrible is it that he’s glad it wasn’t the end of the story?

_“The alchemy of this world is fed by the energy of the gate.”_

Roy traces his finger tips over the faded, nearly illegible old world script. For months he had no idea what that line actually meant. It was a nebulous concept, the way the source of alchemy has always been. Equivalent exchange was all that mattered, the actual source of the power to make that exchange was nothing he was ever taught or even considered. But once he knew there was another world somehow tied to this one…the implications were all too clear, especially after seeing how a Philosopher’s Stone is made. 

The power had to come from blood, same as on this side. 

The very thought nearly had him giving up alchemy once again and climbing back up on that frozen mountain of ice. But he couldn’t do it, not after seeing the determination in Ed’s eyes when he left to protect a world that wasn’t even his own. He could have stayed, but he chose to follow a greater cause than his own desires. How could Roy do anything less? Death would come to people on the other side regardless of whether or not he spent their energies on alchemy or not. So why not honor them by trying to make this world better? It was an easy decision to make. But now he has to wonder, what great tragedy occurred on the other side to have enough power to bring them both home?

“Sir?”

Roy closes the old, battered research journal and looks up at his Major’s pensive face. He shifts in the hard hospital waiting room chair and sits up straighter. She looks concerned, but not distressed. Hopefully that means the boys, no, men are in better shape than when he found them. He nods and folds his hands over the leather bound book. “Yes, Hawkeye, any news?”

“Yes, sir. They’re sleeping now, but it looks like they’ll both pull through. It’s good you found them in time.” Roy can read in her eyes what she’s not saying and he has no inclination to fill her in on exactly why he was down in the lost city underneath Central. He’s visited the site the same as he visits Hughes’ grave nearly each and every month for twenty years. He’s only glad he chose today to make the trip down. If he’d waited any longer neither of them would’ve stood a chance. 

“Have you spoken to the doctors?” Roy runs his hand over the aged leather of the book. He’d sent Fuery to get it from his place sometime when Ed and Al were in surgery. He couldn’t bear to leave the hospital himself. As it is it must be sometime in the middle of the night, but he hasn’t bothered to look at his pocket watch. Time hasn’t mattered, only the condition of the two men he found face down in twin pools of blood.

“Yes, sir. The doctor was reluctant, but he said you could see them.” She shifts on her feet and he easily reads the exhaustion on her face. She’s been here ever since he called her to help get them to the hospital. She’s done more than enough for the night but he knows she wouldn’t have been anywhere else. She even took on the task of contacting the only family they have left. Thankfully it should only take Winry about two or three days to get here.

“Thank you, Major. As usual you’ve been invaluable.” Roy tucks the journal under his arm and stands. He takes a moment to stretch his stiff back when he notices Hawkeye’s curious look. “You should head home and get some rest.” Her eyes harden stubbornly and he reaches out to put a hand on her shoulder. “I’ll be doing the same shortly. There’s nothing else you can do here.” Her eyes lock with his single uncovered one and he knows that look. She won’t leave without laying down some type of condition.

“As long as you understand it’s the same for you, sir.” Her hard stare doesn’t waver and he can only imagine what she might be thinking. But she doesn’t need to worry. He won’t be giving up again any time soon. “You’ve already saved their lives. You shouldn’t forget that.”

Roy smiles and gives her a short nod. “Duly noted, Major.” He senses her reluctance in leaving without him, but she doesn’t need to worry. Yes, it was stubborn of him to insist on seeing them now, but as soon as he does he’ll be on his way as well. He just…needs to see himself that they aren’t still motionless, pale, and covered in blood. 

Hawkeye gives him another long stare followed by a quick nod. “The nurse in the intensive care unit has been instructed to take you to their room.” Her eyes soften as she looks toward the closed ICU doors before turning on her heel to leave. She makes her way toward the hospital exit and Roy doesn’t miss the slump of her shoulders. He feels the same way. There’s no possible reason these two should have to suffer any more.

Roy takes a deep breath once Hawkeye’s out of sight and turns for the ICU doors. He presses a lever on the wall to unlock the double doors then pushes his way inside. The sharp smell of disinfectant instantly greets him as does a harried looking nurse. She takes one look at him and for a moment Roy’s afraid she throw him out and he has the feeling he wouldn’t be able to stop her.

“You’re the Colonel?” Roy nods at the clipped words and forces himself not to wince under the older woman’s piercing stare. She obviously doesn’t agree with his admittance into the ICU but apparently his rank does still hold some weight as she’s not escorting him to the door. “Come on then,” she says in a no nonsense tone as she quickly turns and heads across the large room filled with the sounds of medical equipment and little else. Roy hurries after her and barely gets a chance to glance at the rooms with front walls made of glass presumably so the nurses can keep a close eye on the inhabitants.

The nurse escorts him to a slightly larger room in the back of the unit which has a little more privacy with long hanging curtains that cover part of the wall of windows. Apparently they are more stable as Hawkeye insinuated if they are further away from the main nurse’s station. He breathes a soft sigh of relief as she leads him inside, but that respite is short lived the instant he lays eyes on their motionless forms.

“Don’t take long. If you do I’ll be back to escort you out.” Roy forces himself to tear his attention away from much too pale skin against unbound golden hair. He nods to the nurse who’s face surprisingly softens a fraction. Is his own concern that evident? “Just make it quick,” she adds in a gentler tone then turns to get back to her work leaving him alone with both of them.

The room isn’t very large, but it’s plenty spacious enough for both twin beds without having them crammed against each other. He’s a little surprised they listened to his demands they be kept together, but maybe even the doctors could tell these two shouldn’t be separated. Roy shifts the journal under his arm then takes a hesitant step closer to the young man who used to be his most unruly subordinate. It feels like a lifetime ago, and from the look of him, maybe it was.

Ed’s still long hair flares out over the stark white of the pillow and Roy doesn’t miss how his usual tanned skin has lost it’s golden glow. Initially he thought it was from his condition, but on closer inspection he can tell it’s his actual skin tone. This other world he’s been in must’ve kept him out of the sun. He’s not sure why, but somehow the fact he’s been shut away from the warm touch of the sun makes his chest ache in sympathy. Ed was always larger than life and to see him like this just feels wrong. A clean white sheet that matches the spotless pillow covers him and spares Roy the sight of the bandages he knows are under the light blue hospital shirt he’s wearing. How? How did it come to this?

In the last several years Roy’s researched everything he could come across about the gate and from the small amount of information he found he knows without a doubt he shouldn’t be here. He knows Alphonse created a bridge to the other place using the lives of two homunculi, and considering there were no others like them remaining in Amestris there shouldn’t have been a way to open it from this side. Al had babbled that he needed to permanently seal the connection between worlds and he tried, but he always felt the actual bridge was too strong to be completely destroyed. It seems now he might have been right.

Roy reaches out and curls his fingers around the metal railing on the side of Ed’s bed. His breathing is slow and even. That should ease Roy’s fears, but somehow it doesn’t. He’s never seen Ed look this vulnerable and the sight twists at his gut more than he ever imagined it would. He’d give anything right now to see those golden eyes open and spark with anger at him for not holding up his end of the bargain. He’d even take his hatred now if only it meant Ed was alright and undamaged, but he has a feeling even if he did wake he’d be far from unscathed. He’s not sure what happened, but he can tell these wounds are much deeper than physical. 

He stares at the motionless form and doesn’t miss the extra lines in his face even in sleep. He should be relaxed in this state, but Roy knows that look all too well. He’s seen it in the mirror for years and his heart aches for him. What happened on the other side and why has Ed obviously brought the pain back with him? Roy knows it has to do with the fact that without alchemy, and without an extreme source of power like the life of a homunculus there’s no way the gate should have opened even with the tiny crack he left in the bridge between worlds. Only something truly horrible could have wrenched open those doors. Roy bows his head at the thought then turns for the door. People who care for them should be arriving soon. He should get out of their way.

He makes it halfway to the door before a weak sound behind him makes his heart nearly stop beating in his chest.

“General? That you…?”

The voice is so rough and weak he hardly recognizes it, but in the same breath he knows he’d recognize it even if he were deaf, dumb and blind. He’s never forgotten him. He never could. Roy turns to find a tired golden gaze locked on him and once again his breath catches. He forces himself to swallow then clears his throat before answering. “It’s Colonel now.”

Ed blinks and he wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t process his words at all. He doubts Ed even noticed he’d given up his rank the last time they saw each other. There wasn’t time. It’s actually only in the last six months that he regained his rank of Colonel, not that it matters now. He’s still trying to keep moving forward, but when your name is tied to potential coups and the suspected murder of the Fuhrer, no matter how well warranted, promotions aren’t as easy to come by.

“You didn’t…seal the gate.” Ed coughs raggedly then winces as his body jerks from the exertion. Roy takes a step forward but then freezes when Ed’s eyes narrow and lock on him again. “Bastard.”

“You realize you didn’t leave me with an instruction manual.” The sardonic words slip from his lips too easily and he instantly regrets them. Ed’s lucky to be alive, he doesn’t need to be mocking him now. Ed’s face hardens a bit more and Roy takes a breath as he attempts to find the words to explain. “I did destroy the arrays, Edward. I burned them completely out of existence and then some. The bridge was closed in Central and in Lior.”

The burning of the array in Lior actually ushered in his reinstatement to the military as a Major. No one in the military could explain how the gates opened in the first place, much less how to keep them closed. His ability to do so was controversial as was the fact he wouldn’t completely turn over all his research on the topic. He only shared enough to explain what happened, but not enough to recreate it. He burned nearly all references to the phenomena as well once both of the arrays were destroyed completely. The only thing he kept was this one compiled research journal and only for the fact it had notes from Hoenheim, Alphonse and Edward. It didn’t contain enough information to open the gate, but he still couldn’t cut this last tie he had to them.

“Yeah…” Ed coughs again and Roy turns to the nurses cart behind him to pour a small cup of water. He carefully hands it to Ed who takes a slow slip before locking his eyes on Roy once again. “You did something else. If there was no anchor…it shouldn’t have….”

Ed’s voice wavers and Roy smiles slightly. To be honest he didn’t even think his “loophole” would work. It was nothing but theory, but it was something he had to at least try. It took him months to work it out and even longer to practice with his flame to make sure the one tiny array drawn in blood wouldn’t be completely seared away. In all honesty he’d thought he’d failed, but Ed’s presence is evidence of how wrong he was.

“The only anchor was your blood.” The words are flat and even by necessity because even now he can still see Ed face down in his own blood. The gate never would have opened any other way, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. Ed’s eyes widen in question and Roy sighs softly and bows his head before continuing. “During the fight under Central City you were wounded. I collected and alchemically rehydrated your blood.” He hears Ed’s sharp intake of breath and he can’t look him directly in the eyes. They asked him to seal the door, but he couldn’t, not without leaving a tiny crack. “I used it to create an anchor that could only be opened….”

“With my blood.”

Roy nods and a sharp knife of fear stabs through him. Is it possible someone on the other side somehow knew what he’d done? He didn’t think there was any chance…but could it be why Ed and Al ended up here nearly bled to death? Was he the cause for their pain? What has he done? The gate didn’t seem to still be open when he found them, but it’s not like he gave it much attention. He thought the crack was only enough for Ed, but Al’s here too. Did he unleash something more? 

“Edward, I’m sorry. If I caused thi—”

“You didn’t.” The words are sharp and harsh and Roy jerks his head up to look at him at their bitterness. There’s pain and disgust on Ed’s face that he can tell run much deeper than their short conversation. It reminds him of his thoughts about some great tragedy on the other side to fuel their way home. He wants to know, but there’s no way he’d consider asking. Not now.

Ed’s looking away from him now and it’s only after a moment that he realizes he’s looking away from Al too. He’s staring straight at the wall to his left which shouldn’t be strange considering he obviously doesn’t want to look at Roy. But somehow it seems he doesn’t want to look at his brother either. He could be imagining things, but is Ed’s body slightly turned away from Al as well? Roy shakes his head and takes a step back. He has no right to be analyzing them. Maybe they didn’t want to be back here at all. 

“I’m sorry. I’ll….” His words trail off because he doesn’t know what else to say. Roy turns toward the door and focuses his gaze downward. He should leave them in peace. He saw what he came to see and now he should get out of their way. Chances are he’s the last person Ed wants to see anyway. 

“Mustang.”

Roy pauses in the doorway, but doesn’t look back. He doesn’t want to see one of a million things on Ed’s face that would probably end in animosity directed at him. He rests his free hand on the door frame as he curls his other around the journal under his arm. He clears his throat and finally manages to answer softly, “Yes?”

“Thank you.”

Roy’s head whips around and he’s instantly stilled by the anguished look on Ed’s face. But that’s not what makes his chest grow tight with sudden emotion. It’s the unmistakable look of gratitude in his eyes that nearly bring a tear to his own. He doesn’t know what happened to him in that other place, but right now he has no doubt that this is where he wants to be. Roy nods, unable to find words, then heads out of the room. He may not have done many things right in his life, but right now he whispers thank yous to any deity that might be listening that he left Ed a way back home.


	2. Chapter 2

Roy didn’t go back to the hospital to see them. He didn’t feel it was his place to intrude on their healing or their lives. He actually even considered putting in for a transfer away from Central to give them even more space, but he couldn’t do that to his men who would no doubt follow him. He doesn’t deserve their loyalty. He never has. Instead he just kept his distance even when he heard the brothers had actually parted ways. No one understood the reasons, but as soon as they were well enough to leave the hospital Al went back to Resembool with Winry and Ed apparently went insane. There’s no other explanation for the document sitting on his his desk.

_Edward Elric formally requests reinstatement to the Amestrian Military under the command of Colonel Roy Mustang…._

He’s lost his mind. There’s no other explanation. Roy’s looked over the document repeatedly but some how the words continue to stay the same. Why? Why would Ed _ever_ consider returning to the military? He didn’t want to be in it the first time. He doesn’t know what happened to Ed and Al on the other side or why by all reports they barely spoke to each other after waking up, but he does know this: Ed has no business being in the military. He’s given enough, more than enough, and that’s why Roy still hasn’t signed the request form. 

Roy shakes his head and pushes the document to the front of his desk. He should tear it up, but somehow he hasn’t been able to bring himself to do that either and he’s well aware that fact makes him a hypocrite. He doesn’t want him in the military, but he can’t move aggressively against him either. He could just deny the request altogether, but he won’t. Instead he’s passive aggressively ignored the first and second official request. From what he’s heard it seems Ed’s demanded his command as a prerequisite for reassuming his title as the Fullmetal Alchemist and Roy won’t be party to it, especially since he still has no idea why Ed’s back or why all traces of the blood seal he made under Central have been completely obliterated.

Roy reaches up to rubs his temples with two fingers from each hand and closes his eyes. A headache’s brewing and he’d like to try and leave early today. It doesn’t happen all the time, but since he lost sight in his left eye he’s been prone to these. The doctor he spoke to said it was probably because the right eye was getting overworked and he hasn’t found a way around it yet. So far the best thing he’s found is to go to sleep or sit in a dark room with a glass of whiskey which sounds really good about now….

“Mustang!”

Roy’s head snaps up at the sharp voice and his eye widens when he sees a very angry looking Edward Elric glaring at him with crossed arms. He’s dressed in black and for a brief moment he swears it’s over twenty years ago and Ed’s just gotten his commission as a State Alchemst. They were always fighting back then and he can’t count the times Ed looked at him like that. But one look and he can tell Ed’s not that petulant child he used to be. There’s age on his face, more than should be there by only the passing of years. It feels like looking an a mirror and he avoids making direct eye contact with him. “Edward. This is a surprise. Is there something I can do for you?”

“Cut the crap, Mustang. You damn well know there is.” He grits is teeth, almost like he’s trying to bite back the words then takes a breath. It’s a stark contrast from the Ed he used to know who could never come close to reigning in his temper. Ed uncrosses his arms and his hands clench and unclench at his sides. When he finally does speak again his voice has a much more even tone. “Do you have a problem with me? When you showed up at the hospital I thought….” Ed shakes his head sharply then takes another breath. “Have I done something…?”

“Of course not.” What could be possibly have done? Roy shakes his head as if it were the most absurd thing he’d ever heard, and maybe it is. Is that what Ed thinks is going on, why he didn’t visit again? He just wanted to stay out of his way, not to mention he’s never stopped feeling a little responsible for him. He should have found a way to help him before this mess with the gate and the other world ever happened. “No, Edward, I have no issues with you.”

“Then why—” He cuts off sharply again then narrows his eyes. Roy forces himself not to flinch under the weight of his glare and plasters an impassive expression on his face. “So you think I’m not good enough?” 

Roy shakes his head but before he can say a word Ed claps his hands together then steps to the front of Roy’s desk. He slams his palms to the wooden surface and all the reports and paperwork on his desk swirl and fold into a large and very intricate paper dragon about two feet high. Roy’s eye widens at the impressive display that exhibits tight control and a level of skill that’s more than he’s ever seen from Ed. He’s always been impressive but this is on another scale because Ed didn’t just reform the papers into the shape he wanted. That would have destroyed the documents and without knowing what was on them Ed couldn’t have undone the reaction. This is more impressive. This is a complex folding and combination of all the paper in a way he knows he couldn’t do. It’s stunning.

“You see? I may not have had alchemy for twenty years but it’s not like I stopped thinking about it. I’m not useless.” Ed claps his hands together then touches them to the dragon and Roy’s a little sorry to see it collapse back into his stacks of reports that look to be unaltered. “I’m still an alchemist, Mustang. I can still—”

“I never doubted your abilities, Edward.” Ed blinks and takes a step back as utter confusion washes over his face. Roy looks down at his hands folded on the desk. Why is Ed doing this? He should be happy to be free of military bonds and expectations. He could do anything. “I just feel your abilities could be better served elsewhere.”

Silence stretches out between them and for a moment Roy thinks that will be it. Ed will get this silly idea out of his head and go back to Resembool with his brother. That’s where he belongs. He needs to go mend whatever happened betwe—

Ed’s hands slam hard on to his desk and Roy jumps, completely startled. He jerks his head up to find Ed glaring at him with blazing eyes. Even as a bratty young alchemist Ed never looked at him with such venom and Roy flinches back when Ed leans forward across the desk. 

“What on Earth gives you the right to make that decision?” Ed’s words are hard, forceful, but his voice isn’t raised. He’s obviously angry, Roy can see it in how his forearms tremble as he leans on the desk, but he’s not raging out of control. If anything it’s the complete opposite. It’s like he’s a tightly controlled, powerful spring ready to be unleashed. “You’re not my keeper, Mustang. You never were regardless of what you might have believed.” Ed pushes off the desk but doesn’t move away. His eyes bore into Roy so hard it causes him to shift in his seat. 

“You haven’t officially opposed my reentry into the Military.” Ed’s eyes narrow as if he’s trying to dissect him with his mind, and knowing Ed maybe he is. He crosses his arms again and Roy does his best not to wilt under his examining stare. “Either you doubt you’d win the argument or that’s not what this is about.” The line of Ed’s jaw grows tense and Roy feels his stomach twist into a knot. “So it must be me. You don’t trust me.”

“That’s not it! Edward, I—”

“Then what is it?” Ed’s voice has taken on an edge Roy doesn’t recognize. If he didn’t know better he’d almost think he sounded hurt. “I don’t know what’s happened over here to hold you back at the rank of Colonel, but you still have to be the same man I remember. The fact that the _same_ people have continued to serve under you all these years tells me that. From the sound of it Hawkeye even out ranked you for awhile.” Ed shakes his head and his words turn more exasperated. “What is it, Mustang? Do you really hate me that much?”

Roy’s eye widens and he quickly shakes his head. He wish he could reach out and shake sense into Ed but he doesn’t dare. “Edward, nothing could be further from the truth.” Ed gives him a skeptical look and Roy presses on. “I don’t know what you went through over there and I don’t know why you and Alphonse ended up back here in a pool of blood.” Ed looks away sharply and Roy instantly knows he won’t be getting those answers right now, but it doesn’t matter. Not for now. “I don’t know the details, and I don’t need to, but what I do know is you’ve been through more than enough in one lifetime. You don’t need to sell your soul to me or the military anymore.” Roy sighs and tries once more to get him to see reason. “You don’t have to do this.”

Ed doesn’t look at him right away. Seconds tick by in silence and Roy wonders if he’s actually made him understand or angered him more. When Ed finally turns his head to look at him again Roy’s shocked by the look of what seems to be gratitude on his face. But his eyes, his eyes are just as determined as the first time he ever saw him. 

“Thank you for that.” In other circumstances Roy might think he was mocking him, but he’s not. He’s sure of it. But he’s also certain that’s not the end of this conversation. Ed uncrosses his arms then runs his fingers through the long hair hanging over his forehead before looking at Roy again. “I appreciate the concern. Really, I do. But, you see…I _need_ this.” The raw emotion in Ed’s words leaves Roy speechless. How in the world can he be so invested? He just got back here! 

Ed sucks in a breath and gives Roy an imploring look. “I can actually _help_ here. I can do something _good_ and…you’re the only person I trust.” His eyes soften and his voice takes on a pleading quality. “You’re still trying to make a difference, right Roy? Won’t you let me help you?” Silence stretches out between them before Ed adds softly, “Please?”

In all the years he knew Edward he doesn’t ever remember him asking him for something, not like this. Oh, he demanded and cajoled, bargained and even attempted to blackmail things out of him. But he never just asked like this. It gives away too much power and leaves him vulnerable to disappointment. Even now Roy’s certain if he actually did turn him down once and for all Ed probably would walk away from the military. He doesn’t deserve that kind of power over Ed’s life. Not anymore. Even though he knows he could take that choice away from him, _and_ that it would probably be good for him, he can’t. 

“Alright. If that’s what you really want I’ll get the forms processed.” Roy reaches for the request authorization form he was looking at earlier. He pulls it closer in order to sign it but he’s stopped by something he never expected. The sound is foreign to his ears, especially from Ed, and he looks up at him in confusion. With everything that’s happened, why in the world would Ed be _laughing?_

“You just had to make things difficult. Just like the bastard I remember.” Ed smiles broadly and Roy can only look on with stunned surprise. Ed laughs again and shakes his head. “Now that that’s over with, do you think you could tell me where in this damn city I can go to find a pub with beer that not freezing?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated ;-)


	3. Chapter 3

Roy was never much of a beer drinker. He was always more comfortable with whiskey on the rocks or a nice glass of wine. The only “pub” type bar he’d ever heard of was one Maes had mentioned in passing long, long ago. He was surprised he’d even remembered it. He was even more surprised when it turned out the old bar was still there after all these years. He’ll never forget the pleased look on Ed’s face when they first walked into the aged building with the well worn bar. He said it reminded him of home and Roy just smiled. It was nice to know not everything on the other side was bad. 

Since that first visit about four months ago he and Ed have become almost weekly regulars. That’s probably the thing that’s surprised him the most, that Ed would _want_ to spend time with him. Roy walks down the cracked sidewalk from where he parked his car a block away and smiles when he sees the weather bar front. He’s actually grown to like the place, for the whiskey and not the “cellar temperature” beer Ed loves. He’s also grown accustomed to the company which is something he never expected. He didn’t think he’d ever get along with Ed, but he has even though Ed’s yet to fill him in about what happened on the other side.

Roy pushes open the door to the bar and smiles again at the boisterous crowd noise that greets him. The bar’s never full, but you’d never know it with the way the patrons carry on. He pulls off his long black coat then nods at a regular who raises a beer mug to him as he drapes his coat over his arm. When he’d first come here he’d assumed people who would come to a place like this, far from the center part of the city, wouldn’t accept someone in uniform. But to his surprise, no one seemed to care. Some of the regulars have even taken to calling him “General” despite his Colonel stripes and he wouldn’t be surprised if Ed was responsible for that, though he’s not sure why. 

Halfway across the room he spots Ed at his usual place at the bar. He’s grinning and chatting up the bartender just like he does every Friday afternoon and Roy still marvels at the friendship. The bartender and bar owner is more than twice Ed’s age, but apparently the culture and beer preferences in Northern Amestris where the Jonas is from has some similarities with Ed’s Germany. They’ve been fast friends since Jonas served Ed his first warm beer and Ed shared some secret brewing recipe with Jonas that he’s now using for the bar. Roy hangs his coat over the back of the tall chair next to Ed then slides into the seat left open for him. 

“About time you show up, Roy.” Ed grins as he slaps him on the back and Roy has a feeling Ed’s leaving the office early today to check out a resource may have been of the liquid variety. Ed takes a gulp from the beer stein in front of him and shoots a mischievous look to Jonas that they both end up turning on him. “We were starting to worry, especially since we have something brewed up especially for you.”

“I’m afraid to ask.” Jonas finishes pouring something into a tall glass which rounds and flares out at the top. He pushes the cloudy, deep golden beer with a thick white head toward him and Roy tries not to grimace. This isn’t the first time he’s been the subject of one of their brewing experiments and though Ed’s liked nearly all of them, he hasn’t been so enamored with them. 

“Go on, give it a go. It’s one of Ed’s special brews.” Jonas grins so broadly Roy can see the gap in his teeth where one of his canines was knocked out, presumably in a bar fight though he never asked. Roy nods to him then pulls the tall glass closer then sniffs at the frothy head. It smells strongly of yeast and maybe something spicy? Ed leans closer to him with anticipation and Roy has no choice but to take a drink.

The first thing he notices immediately is the distinct lack of harsh bitterness Ed’s informed him is the characteristic flavor of hops. Ed seems to love it, but he never has, especially in these less than frosty beers. The next thing he notices that seems to have taken the place of the bitterness is a strong taste of…banana? Roy frowns as he pulls the beer away and as he licks his lips he swear he tastes some spicy flavor that’s…not altogether unpleasant. He turns a surprised look on Ed and has to ask, “Is there banana in this?”

Ed grins broadly and slaps him on the back again before laughing. “Of course there is. It’s an excellent summer Hefe Weissbier.” Jonas nods like he understands the foreign words rolling so easily off Ed’s tongue and Roy can only stare in confusion. “It’s the closest thing to a Weihenstephaner Weissbier you’ll ever find here in Amestris.” Ed shoots a look filled with obvious gratitude to Jonas who just nods humbly at him.

“I’m happy to share in your obvious brewing expertise, my friend.” Jonas pours a glass of whiskey that he passes to Roy without even asking then grins at Ed again. “I look forward to finishing that batch of Dunkel next month.” He reaches across the bar to pat Ed’s shoulder then heads down to the end of the bar to tend to a couple new customers. 

Roy shakes his head, still amazed at this mature version of the Ed he used to know and hazards another sip of the beer. It’s actually not bad and this time he’s able to identify the spicy aftertaste as clove. Who puts clove into beer? He’s not sure, but it’s good and nothing like the dark monstrosities Ed sometimes likes to drink. He sets the glass down and finds Ed beaming at him again.

“I knew you’d like it.” Ed looks like a cat who’s just captured and eaten a prized songbird and Roy can’t help but laugh. “We just had to wait until Jonas could find all the right ingredients, but I knew you’d like it.”

“Alright, alright, you got me.” Roy slides his fingers down the length of the tall glass and shakes hiss head. “I like it.” He’s still surprised because ever since their first trip into this place Ed’s been trying to convince him of the merits of brewed, liquid gold as he liked to call it. Eventually it became a challenge that Ed took personally. Until now it’s been amusing, but now he knows he’s in trouble. 

“You remember what that means, right?” Roy nods and sighs as he reaches for the glass of whiskey and takes a much needed drink. Even though Ed’s been working under his command for over three months and even though they usually have this social time at least weekly, neither of them have been very forthcoming about their time spent apart. Roy wasn’t eager to disclose all of his past so he couldn’t exactly demand for Ed to reveal anything about Germany beyond what he deemed necessary. Over several beers, on a few occasions, he has told Roy about Germany, but only in simple stories here and there that only gave Roy glimpses of Ed instead of the other world. 

“Yes, I know.” Roy takes another drink then turns a little more toward Ed and lowers his voice. “You can ask anything you want.” He locks his eyes with Ed then adds softly, “Just don’t forget you finally received your first assignment away from Central and you remember what that means?”

“Yeah, I know.” Ed nods, some of his exuberance from moments before fading and he motions to Jonas who’s still at the other end of the bar. Ed tilts his head toward the back of the bar and Jonas nods his understanding. This isn’t the first time he and Ed have had a private conversation in this place, but he has a feeling it may be the most enlightening, if not the most painful. Roy picks up his tall beer glass and short glass of whiskey as Ed grabs his own beer and Roy’s coat before turning for the back of the bar. 

Roy follows him to a small, wobbly table in the back that’s set a little away from the other patrons. When they first began coming to the bar Roy didn’t understand the significance of the lone isolated table, but now he’s come to understand it’s intended for conversations such as this. They won’t be bothered by others in the bar, including Jonas, without a nod of approval. It’s something Roy’s never seen in any other establishment and he can only wonder if it’s a Northern cultural thing as more than half of the regulars are from that region of the country the same as Jonas. 

Ed slides into one of the well worn chairs and drops Roy’s coat on one side of the round table. Roy takes the chair against the wall, nearest Ed, and sets both of his beverages down. He considers downing the rest of the whiskey, but he has a feeling he might need it later so he takes a drink of the beer instead. The remainder of the frothy head clings to his lips as a tasty reminder of his promise. He licks the taste away then turns his full attention to Ed and takes a breath. “So, what do you want to know?”

Ed folds his hands, flesh and automail,on the table and stares down at them so long Roy thinks he might have to prod him again. But then he finally lifts his head and stares at Roy with a completely serious look on his face. He definitely won’t be getting off easy, Roy’s certain about that. Ed reaches out with his left hand to swirl his half empty beer mug before taking a deliberate breath. Roy’s own hand clenches around the whiskey glass and his stomach knots with trepidation. Ed’s rarely this serious here and it can’t bode well.

“I want to know why you were _really_ up on that mountain the first time I came back.” Roy blinks at his directness. How does Ed even know much about that? Was he looking into his past or did Al fill him in on rumors when they both ended up back in Germany. Roy starts to formulate some type of answer that might content him, but Ed doesn’t give him a chance. “And don’t give me some dumb excuse. You gave up your rank, after _everything_.” Ed scowls and as Roy starts to answer he cuts him off once more. “And don’t get all worked up over the Rockbells either. Winry already told me about her parents.”

Roy feels like a giant weight’s been dropped right on his head and the floor’s gone out from under him taking his stomach with it. A chill runs over his skin and his mouth goes as dry as the Xing desert. All he can do is stare and wait for the horrified expression on Ed’s face, but instead he just continues staring at him with at direct look that he’s grown accustomed to seeing the last several months. Roy attempts to swallow around the enormous lump in his throat that he nearly chokes on and somehow finally manages a few words in a shaky voice. “You…know?”

Why? Why would he want to serve under him knowing that? Why would he want to spend time with him out of work each and every week? He should detest him for what he did. He shouldn’t want to be his friend and he shouldn’t be throwing it off like it doesn’t even matter. Has this all been some type of elaborate game or trick on him? He doesn’t understand and Ed’s determined look isn’t giving away a thing. Roy’s right hand aches and that’s when he remembers he’s clenching it around the whiskey glass. He knocks back the whole thing at once and shudders as the burning alcohol blazes a trail down his tight throat. 

“Yeah, she told me in the hospital when I asked why you were a Colonel again. Al never understood what was going on with you even after he got his memory back.” Ed narrows his eyes and leans forward which causes Roy to jerk back from him as far as the chair will allow. “Don’t tell me it was all about some atonement bullshit. You’re better than that crap.”

Roy blinks at him and to say he’s speechless would be an understatement. How can Ed be so nonchalant about this? About people he _knew?_ Roy shakes his head and somehow finds his voice. “When I fought the F—Bradley, he snapped his son’s neck right in front of me. Afterward….” Roy starts to reach up and touch the patch covering his eye but he forces himself to refrain. Knowing Ed it would just bring up more questions. “I couldn’t even save a child. But it was worse. I remembered all those I murdered in Ishval under the name of the military and—”

“So?” Ed’s voice is flat, emotionless and Roy’s mouth actually drops open with shock. Ed stares impassively at him then shrugs. “Horrible things happen, Roy. In this world…and in others.” He looks away briefly and Roy doesn’t miss the sadness deeply etched in his face. It lessens when he looks at him again but doesn’t disappear completely. “Wallowing over your sins accomplishes nothing. You have to _do_ …something.” Ed’s eyes look completely haunted for a moment, almost as if he’d seen a ghost but he instantly shakes it off. “So, what finally got your head out of your ass?”

Roy blinks back at him and he knows he’s missing things, _big_ things, but he can’t imagine what. Ed acts like he understands, but he couldn’t possibly. He’s never killed anyone…has he? The haunted look on Ed’s face makes him wonder but he pushes the thought away when Ed arches an eyebrow at him in question. “To be honest, it was you.” It gratifies Roy a little to see surprise on Ed’s face, but only for a moment. “When I saw you going back to help a world that wasn’t even yours…I knew I had to change. If you could do that—”

“Then you could get your head out of your ass and do something too.” Ed shrugs off Roy’s frown and drains the rest of his beer in a short series of gulps. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and shrugs once more. “I’m glad I could help get you off your butt to do something helpful again.” Ed’s meets his eyes directly and he reads the sincerity in them. His words are harsh, but not mocking. “Inaction doesn’t suit you, Roy. Not in any world.”

Ed stands before Roy can process his words and walks over to the bar to get another beer. Roy stares after him and it’s only then things begin to come together, although they only lead to more questions. The way he spoke it almost implied something he swears Ed’s slipped up about before. He’s given no deals about the other side of the gate, but this isn’t the first time he’s made Roy wonder about just how parallel these worlds are. Ed returns with a fresh beer a few minutes later and Roy can’t help himself. “You say it doesn’t suit me ‘in any world.’ Does that mean that I was—”

“Is that your question?” Ed locks hard golden eyes on him and Roy gets the distinct impression he’s gone one step too far in their new relationship. He also has no doubt Ed would answer if he asked. They made a deal and Ed would honor it, the same as he did. But he can’t ask. He has something else he needs to know more. 

“No. Not for now.” Ed nods slowly and his expression makes it clear he understands that Roy won’t be dropping that line of questioning indefinitely. But today is not the day. It’s too soon. Roy takes a long drink of his beer then shakes his head at the older Ed sitting in front of him. He’s known he was different, but it’s only now he’s seeing how deep those changes run. He holds his gaze with a serious one of his own and asks the question that’s been haunting him for months. “Why did you want to come back to the military, Edward? Knowing what you know, knowing the things I did in the name of following orders, why in the world would you want to come back to that?”

“You really don’t get it, do you?” Ed smiles but there’s no mirth to it. It almost looks…sympathetic? He takes a drink of his fresh beer then relaxes as his voice takes on softer tone. “I knew I could make a difference here.” He leans forward and the intensity in his eyes ramps up a notch. “I knew _you_ could make a difference and I could be part of it.” He stares at Roy for a moment then leans back in his chair with a casual air Roy’s certain is at least partially faked. “I needed to be able to do something. I needed to be something other than a faceless cog in the machine. I spent two decades being nearly helpless, Roy. I wasn’t going to be powerless again.”

He has his answer, but it still doesn’t make sense. Everything Ed’s said is full of contradictions…in Roy’s eyes. Sometimes orders have to be followed. Sometimes you do feel like a wheel in a machine, but somehow it must be worse on the other side. Roy’s certain this isn’t about alchemy. Ed’s given every indication he learned to live without it, but what could be so different on this side that being a cog in the military machine of Amestris makes him feel empowered? Or maybe it’s not the military at all? He made it perfectly clear four months ago he’d only serve under Roy. Is he actually giving him the hope Ed didn’t have on the other side? Doesn’t Ed know how fruitless his old plans of running the country are?

“Edward, if you’re still thinking—”

“So why are you only a Colonel now, anyway?” Roy blinks at the sudden change of subject and Ed only tilts his head at him. “I looked into it, you know. I know they made you start right back as a Major, but I couldn’t find why and Hawkeye wasn’t talking.” Ed arches an eyebrow and somehow Roy isn’t surprised Ed went snooping without his knowledge. “You’re the Flame Alchemist. It shouldn’t have taken twenty years to do what you did in ten before.”

Roy’s eye widens a bit when it seems Ed researched a bit more than just the last twenty years about him. Leave it to Edward to go digging where he shouldn’t be. Truth be told going up on the mountain wasn’t entirely his idea. Yes, he gave up his officer’s commission willingly, but part of it was to avoid the impending investigation on the Fuhrer’s death. They weren’t happy about him asking to be reinstated, but after publicly helping save Amestris from an army of flying machines and other worldly soldiers they didn’t have much of a choice. Promotions, however, haven’t been so easy to come by.

“I do believe that’s a second question, Edward.” Ed’s face hardens and Roy inwardly sighs. It’s not that he doesn’t want to share things with Ed, it’s just a dangerous situation even now. Most in high command wouldn’t believe his stories of homunculi and an ancient alchemist running the country under their noses. The ones who did were just as adamant to keep it quiet. He still wants to make a difference, but he’s accepted the fact that it may just have to be as a Colonel. 

“Fine, fine. That’s the way it is.” Ed’s face falls as he looks away and Roy regrets his secrecy, but it’s necessary. He doesn’t need to get Ed involved in things that could make his life even more complicated. Roy only hopes this won’t damage the friendship they’ve been building these last months. Ed turns to look at him again and this time his face is a blank slate, completely unreadable. “You were on the other side.”

Roy starts at the sudden revelation and he has no idea how to answer. He’d suspected, but Ed absolutely refused to talk about details like this. Roy knows he’s only using it now as a bargaining chip, but he’s still a little reluctant to open up. The other world can’t hurt him anymore, but this one can. “Was I?”

Ed snorts at his innocent sounding question and shakes his head as if he expected it. He chugs down about half his remaining beer before nodding. “Yeah, you were.” He sets down his beer mug and wraps his hands around it as he stares into it. “That’s how it was over there. Familiar faces with familiar sounding names, but with different life experiences making them completely different people.” Ed grimaces and Roy can imagine why. What kind of hell would it be living in a world with people who look like the ones you know, but aren’t?

“There was a Fuhrer over there, or there came to be one.” Ed’s entire body tenses and part of Roy wishes he could make him stop since the story is obviously causing him pain. But he can’t. His own curiosity won’t let him. “He was the kinda man who made Bradley look like a model dictator.” Ed makes another sour expression then shakes his head sharply. “You were a scientist over there. Too damn good to know any better and you publicly opposed some of his research policies.” Ed’s hands tighten on his mug until Roy’s almost afraid he might crack it. “They wanted you brought in for questioning.”

Ed lifts his head and Roy doesn’t miss the pained look of deeply suppressed rage in his eyes. It nearly makes him flinch or look away but he doesn’t. He asked this question and he will meet Ed head on and listen. Ed holds his gaze for a long breathless moment and Roy has to wonder who he sees, himself or this scientist he apparently knew. 

“It was your _best friend_ who turned you in, just following orders.” There’s no missing the bitterness in his voice and Roy’s mind spins as he wonders if the friend was another familiar face for Ed. “He regretted it later, especially when they sent you to one of those places no one ever returned from….” Ed grits his teeth then actually spits with disgust on the dirty wood floor beside his chair. “I _never_ forgave him for that. Even when Gracia—” He shakes his head again then slouches back down in his chair and brings his beer to his lips again. 

It only takes Roy a breath to put it all together. 

He wasn’t there when Ed was assigned the desk in their office facing the picture of Hughes. But Hawkeye told him about his reaction and how he immediately asked for a different station. Under normal circumstances his request wouldn’t have been granted without an explanation, but they were all under Roy’s orders not to press Ed for any answers he didn’t want to give. Ed was assigned a new desk and Roy never thought anything else about it, until now. One look at Ed and he knows the reason why. 

In Ed’s world, Maes was responsible for his death.

He can’t help but marvel a little at the twist of fate. How many years did he feel guilty for Hughes’ death, that he should have seen what was going on sooner? It almost sounds like the same thing happened on the other side, only in reverse. He doesn’t know the details, and he doesn’t need to, but maybe he’ll consider bringing that picture into his inner office so Ed won’t be haunted by a face that’s too familiar for all the wrong reasons. Roy feels like he should say something, to acknowledge his words but he can only think of one way to do that. 

“No one really knows about or understands about Dante and the homunculi.” Ed’s head whips around from his perusal of the wall and his eyes widen slightly in realization. Fair is fair and since Ed told him what he wanted to know, he’ll return the favor. “Sure there are some who know, Armstrong, a few Generals who have an inkling, but for most people who know what happened that night I’m seen as the one who murdered the Fuhrer.”

Ed shakes his head sharply and scowls. “But that’s not—”

“How can I prove it, Edward? I did kill him. The best thing for me was to let them cover it up as a house fire so the public didn’t find out.” Roy reaches for his beer and downs the rest of the lukewarm liquid. He makes a face then shrugs. “There have been rumors of my involvement, but Havoc and Armstrong spoke out about my position in the North and the coup attempt. It hasn’t helped my case either, but it’s kept me out from in front of the firing squad.”

“That’s not right, Roy!” He looks over to find Ed’s eyes blazing with righteous indignation and Roy smiles slightly. He knew Ed would take it this way. It’s the main reason he didn’t tell him. He didn’t want him to do something stupid. 

“Maybe so, but….” He trails off and locks his eyes with Ed’s. “I’m alive.” Ed winces at the not so subtle referral to his own world and Roy immediately continues. “And I’m still able to do good things which you obviously know or wouldn’t be working with me.” Roy leans back in his chair and relaxes at finally being able to share this with someone. “It is what it is, Edward, and it’s alright. The military may not be perfect, and we both know things could be better, but they could be worse too.”

Ed nods his acceptance but Roy doesn’t miss his scowl. In another lifetime that look would have him worried Ed might do something rash. But surely he knows better now. He has two worlds of experience to make him well aware of the fact life isn’t fair. For now they need to just go back to the bar and get another round. They’ve had more than enough seriousness for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated ;-)


	4. Chapter 4

He should’ve known better. 

Twenty years may have made Ed taller and etched lines in his skin, but it didn’t change his determination even in the face of impossible odds. The only difference now is Ed’s a lot wiser about how he goes about things. No, not wise, damn crafty and manipulative. He ended up making any and all of Roy’s most carefully formulated plans look like children’s games. Ed obviously learned a lot of lessons on the other side that had everything to do with politics and public opinion and the results were stunning. Roy’s still in a state of awe.

And it all started with a book.

For a year Ed never mentioned a word about that conversation they had in Jonas’ pub. Even after that he never _mentioned_ it. Instead he published a book that took the entire country by storm. He wasn’t the first military figure to write a novel, but he was the first to write a bestselling piece of fiction, or at least that’s what everyone thought.

Roy stands in front of the main Central bookstore and stares at the display that takes up the entire front window. Displays like this were common for months until giving way to other things, but with recent developments Ed’s book has resurfaced and is unthinkably even more popular than before. Roy can’t even remember the last time he’s seen a book signing in Central, much less one that has people lined up outside the door and around the large mortar building. But if anyone could manage something like this it’d be Ed.

Roy hears some whispers from the line of waiting people to his right and when he thinks he catches his name he slips inside. This is exactly why he arrived here out of uniform. He probably shouldn’t have come at all, but since this was the first thing Ed did on returning to Central he wanted to try and see him. But judging from the long line of admirers that may be awhile yet. Roy weaves his way through the less busy part of the store and smiles despite himself. Who would have ever thought he’d end up as a minor celebrity in Amestris without being Fuhrer?

He makes way to the back of the store and finally, hiding between two tall racks of books, he spots Ed sitting at a table and grinning brightly at two young women who are obviously fawning over him. He signs their books with a flourish and Roy marvels once again at Ed’s way with people. When did this happen? And when did he become a master of propaganda? It’s a good thing Ed never told him about this plan because if he had there’s absolutely no way Roy would have let him go through with it. Writing an in depth story about Dante, Hoenheim and the homunculi, even if it was cloaked in fantastical fiction, was unthinkable. It was too dangerous…or so he thought.

Those who actually knew the origins of the book were less than pleased about it, but there wasn’t much they could do. Roy caught some flack about it, of course, as some thought he’d put Ed up to writing the novel. But he’d been just as clueless as the rest. Others in command held him responsible for his disruptive subordinate’s actions, but that wasn’t anything he wasn’t already accustomed to with Ed. These same people were constantly watching over his shoulder to find Ed shirking his duties as an officer, but Ed was too careful. With the first run of his book he only used his free time, sick days and all his vacation to promote it. It caused quite a spectacle, especially considering at every stop he made he reminded the entire country exactly why he’d once been called the Alchemist of the People. Between all his good works and lack of shirking his duty no one could say a word against him.

Until the follow up book came out.

Ed had already become one of the most talked about and famous figures in the country, even more so than those who ran it. It was a new thing for Amestris which had been so tightly controlled under Bradley’s regime. The New Guard wasn’t exactly thrilled at the development, but they were afraid of reacting too harshly so they hesitated. That was their biggest mistake and somehow Ed seemed to have planned for it. Roy’s head still spins at the insane whirlwind of the last six month. Clamoring for a sequel to his first book was already constant, but Ed always answered every question the same way: that the people of Amestris would write the sequel. No one knew what that meant, until now. Roy looks over at the display showcasing Ed’s second book and can only shake his head.

_The TRUTH Behind: Demon’s on High_

Roy’s perusal of the display is cut short when he hears his name mentioned again and he moves behind one of the tall shelves of books. He picks up one of Ed’s books along the way and opens it in an attempt to draw less attention to himself. He’s not used to being so conspicuous and he still doesn’t understand why Ed painted him as the sole hero in his “story.” He intends to find an answer to that and other questions as soon as Ed’s “unpaid sabbatical” comes to an end tonight. He can’t imagine the ruckus his offices will become with a celebrity as a subordinate, but considering all this insanity ended with his appointment as a full General, he can’t exactly complain.

He glances over to the table Ed’s sitting at just in time to see an older, obviously ex-military, man step forward. Roy marvels at the way Ed’s flirting countenance immediately changes to one of sober respect. The older man snaps a quick salute that Ed returns and Roy takes a step forward despite himself, wanting to hear what’s said. The military veteran holds out a copy of the second book and Roy’s only able to catch a few words over the murmuring din of the crowded bookstore. 

“…an honor to all of Amestris. You have my utmost respect and if there is anything I can ever do in service for you or General Must….”

“General Mustang! It _IS_ you! I knew it!”

Roy spins around when he’s suddenly accosted by the two girls Ed was previously flirting with. They corner him between a bookcase and Ed’s display, expertly blocking his exit like trained special operatives, and bat their eyes at him. He manages a smile which unfortunately seems to encourage them as they press even closer to him.

“He’s the Mage General. I _told_ you so! He can make fire with his hands!”

“Ohhhhhh, yes. Will you make fire for us, General? Pleeeeeeeeeease I want to tell my mother that you—”

“Don’t be an idiot Stephanie, he’d burn down the bookstore.”

“No he wouldn’t, Marilyn! He saved us all! He can do anything!”

“General, Fire Mage, um would you--”

“How about I just sign these for you?” Roy reaches out for the book Stephanie is clutching to her chest and she suddenly squeals loudly. He feels the eyes of half the books store turn toward him and starts to think this might be a bad idea. But he’s come this far. Maybe if he just signs the books for the girls they’ll leave and he can do the same. He still doesn’t feel like he deserves all this attention and the last thing he wants to do is cause a scene. He quickly scribbles his name inside the front cover with a pen the young lady Marilyn pushes into his hand. They both gush their thanks and Roy backs away in an attempt to slip between the display and Ed’s table to get away. He only makes it a single step.

“General Mustang.” The old soldier who was just speaking to Ed steps into his path and snaps a picture perfect salute. Roy returns it with a nod of respect then glances around for another escape route. He tries to turn away but the older man blocks his path efficiently. “Officer Leon Petty, from the Western 43rd unit. It’s an honor, sir.” He extends his hand but as Roy reaches out to shake it a book is shoved toward him instead. “If there’s ever any way I can be of service, sir….”

“I’m the one who needs to thank you for your service to the country, officer.” Roy gives the man a genuine smile as he takes the hint and autographs his book below Ed’s name. He hands it back then once again tries to find a way out. He leans to look over the former soldier’s shoulder and his eyes widen as a dozen more people have crowded around and they’re all holding out books and calling out some form of his name. His mind spins as he tries to find a way out until familiar laughter rings out to his left. He looks over to see Ed grinning at him and shaking his head. 

“I could’ve warned you, General.” His smile broadens even more and Roy feels like the floor is dropping out from under him. He knows that look from Ed well. It’s nothing but evil. “You sign one, it’s all over.” He waves to an open chair beside him then nods toward it. “You might as well join me now.”

Roy only has a moment to wonder about the convenience of the chair before he has no choice but to take it or be mobbed. He slides beside Ed and everything becomes a flood of faces and books being shoved his direction. He barely has a chance to spare a glance to Ed, who’s grinning the entire time. Somehow he gets the feeling he was set up, but how could be? He didn’t tell Ed he was coming. But with the way Ed’s been able to out maneuver everyone as of late he wouldn’t be surprised if somehow this was part of his plan. He just tries to keep up with the crowd that seems to be growing by the minute. 

“You realize you’re their hero.” Ed smirks at him between signings and any doubt he had about this not being a set up vanish. Ed did leave word that would be his first stop. All Roy can wonder is if he’s always been so predictable?

“Yes, thanks to you.” If possible Ed seems to look even more smug and Roy can only shake his head. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about th—”

“General Mustang, sir.” Roy looks up as the next person, an intense looking young man, bypasses Ed altogether and comes straight to him. Roy nods under the weight of the man’s piercing look and he’s glad he still carries his gloves and firearm even in plain clothes. “I’m a member of the Flame Coalition.” 

Roy’s eye widens slightly and his body tenses. He’s fairly certain the young man doesn’t mean him harm, but those who founded this “coalition” in his name have been responsible for multiple militant threats against those in power. They’ve also organized protests around the country that haven’t all been peaceful. He’s heard rumors that some of these factions favor his taking the country by force, which he’s spoken out against, but it was some of those credible threats of uprising that finally made the higher ups concede he was over due for a promotion in rank. As far as he knows no one’s ever been promoted from Colonel to full General and he knows this group is largely responsible, but this is actually his first face to face meeting with one of them.

“Well then, I suppose I need to thank you for your support.” Roy smiles in an attempt to break the tension but the intense look of seriousness on the man’s face doesn’t lessen. He nods solemnly at Roy then leans forward suddenly when Roy opens the book to sign it. It takes every bit of self control Roy has not to react and his fingers itch to pull his gloves from his long coat pocket. The man doesn’t make any move to touch him, but he does lower his voice as he locks fervid red rimmed eyes with his.

“Make it out to Justin Reincourt, sir.” Roy reluctantly breaks eye contact to glance down and do just that when Justin’s voice lowers again until it’s barely above a whisper. “They should have made you, Fuhrer.” Roy flicks his gaze up to find nothing but ardent truthfulness blazing in Justin’s eyes. He’s obviously not mocking him. “You should know, sir, that there are many in this country who would like to see that.” His eyes flash with something Roy’s only seen in the most fanatical of followers and he knows he’ll need to tread very carefully. “If you ever need us—”

“I thank you for your obvious dedication, Justin.” The young man pauses at Roy’s use of his name and he can tell he’s hanging on his every word, all the more reason to be extra cautious. “But as I’ve stated publicly,” he deliberately lowers his voice to a more conspiratorial tone, “and privately, the best course of action now is to work within the system. I trust you’ll support me in that endeavor.”

“Absolutely, General.” Justin nods sharply then stands up straight. He takes his book, then with a single glance toward Ed he turns and leaves. It’s all very bizarre and has Roy hoping he didn’t say the wrong thing. While he’s glad for the support he’s gained from Ed’s books—he’s garnered more support in and out of the military in the past two months than in the past two decades—followers like this tend to make him wary. He’s not looking for a civil war, just a way to make things better.

“You handled that better than I would have.” Roy looks over to see Ed still watching Justin as he walks out the door. Apparently Ed had his eye on him the whole time. Ed shakes his head and Roy swear he hears him mutter something about “…in every world,” but that’s all he manages to make out.

“What was that?” Ed sit up straighter, obviously surprised Roy heard him and smiles tiredly in return.

“Ask me about it later.” He nods toward the endless line that still runs out the door. “They were supposed to cut this off in half an hour, but with you showing up it seems the demand has doubled.”

He wouldn’t have believed it himself, but one look verifies Ed’s words. When he arrived he couldn’t have imagined more people packed into the shop, but somehow they’ve managed it. Roy looks to Ed again as another group of giggling young ladies come up to the table holding out their books like offerings. He takes one and smiles as Ed does the same. This isn’t exactly how he’d intended spending his afternoon off, but it seems his plans have changed. 

Two and a half hours later, per Roy’s insistence that they stay until everyone waiting outside had an autograph, they’re finally wrapping up. Roy’s right hand is curled into something resembling a claw and he rubs at it with his left to try and ease the ache. There’s still a hefty crowd in front of the store and he’s not looking forward to making his way through it. Roy looks up when Ed returns to the table and pats him on the shoulder.

“You know if you didn’t spend so much time writing that perfect signature of yours and taking requests your hand wouldn’t being cramping so much.” Ed laughs and Roy shoots a scowl at him that only serves to make him laugh more. 

“It’s better than that chicken scratch you call handwriting.” Roy massages his hand once more then reaches for his plain white gloves he took off earlier. He shoves them into his pocket then pushes up from the table. “I bet half the people who’s books you signed won’t even be able to tell who it was from.”

“Good thing your inscription was so legible then, huh?” Ed laughs and shrugs off the criticism in a way he never would have when he was younger. “What can I say, it’s not my fault I used to be right handed.” He holds up his automail hand and flexes his fingers. A mechanical whirl of the gears accompanies the movement and Roy’s eyes widen with realization. Automail is amazing but it doesn’t give the dexterity to hold a pen. All these years he’d assumed Ed’s messy reports were due to laziness. 

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Roy shakes his head in disbelief when Ed only shrugs again then tugs at his arm to follow him toward the back of the store. 

“Eh, you know how I was then.” He shoots Roy a cheesy grin before continuing. “No way I’d have admitted a weakness to ‘Colonel Shit.’” Roy snorts at the old nickname he was more than aware of at the time. Ed leads him back to a door that looks like it leads to a stockroom and he shoots him a curious look. “What? You didn’t really want to leave through the front door, did you?”

“Ahh, no.” Roy glances over his shoulder briefly then quickly follows Ed through the door he opens. One step inside the small dusty room reveals it to be exactly what he thought it was, a room stacked with boxes and crates of books. Ed makes his way to the back wall and Roy continues to follow. He’s only mildly surprised when Ed claps his hands together and forms the back cinder block wall into a surprisingly simple door. It’s only as they pass through it that he notices the tiny extra carving in the hinges which resemble gargoyles. It’s a lot less distinctive than his old alchemic monstrosities and he can help from commenting on the change as Ed claps his hands to restore the wall from the other side. “Pretty simple reaction for you.”

“What?” Ed presses his hands to the wall and the stone instantly transforms to the way it was. “Oh, yeah. The theatrics.” Ed grins and nods as he passes by Roy to lead him down an alley to some destination known only to him. “I guess you could say I’ve learned the value of discretion.” The look Roy gives him in response must clearly give away his disbelief and Ed chuckles softly. “Yeah, I deserve that. Let’s just say on the other side, when I was still thinking about alchemy, I wasn’t looking to stand out.”

That doesn’t entirely answer his question, but it’s more of an answer than he usually gets so Roy lets it go. He follows him through a few alleyways before finally getting so turned around he’s not even sure where they are. He knows the city well, but not every back alley the way Ed seems to. “Edward, where exactly are you taking me now?”

Ed looks back over his shoulder with that same smile he’s getting used to seeing and it immediately puts him at ease, though it probably shouldn’t. There’s never any telling what Ed’s scheming about these days. “I figured you’d be hungry after all that. I know a place.” And with that Ed turns forward and Roy’s left to follow after him through the winding back alleyways of Central. 

The walk isn’t long, and Roy thinks he’s figured out where in the north district they are until Ed takes a right that leads them away from the main street they were headed towards. He knows there were restaurants on that road and he frowns until Ed turns another corner and makes his way to the back door of an establishment he’s seen but never entered. He’ s not sure why Ed’s going to the back entrance but he follows after him anyway. Obviously he must’ve been here before. Ed knocks twice on the back metal door and a moment later an older man wearing a long, stained apron opens the door and smiles broadly.

“Edward, my friend. You’ve come to visit. Would you like—” The dark haired man with dark eyes and olive colored skin freezes for a moment when he sees Roy then turns to speak rapidly to Ed again. “Ed, you didn’t say you were bringing a _guest_. If you could give me some time to prepare a table, I wasn’t expecting—”

“There’s no need.” Roy puts up his hand and steps forward. The man’s eyes widen and Roy swears his darker complexion pales slightly. Roy gives him a genuine smile and shakes his head as he pats Ed on the back. “Ed tends to overlook details. Please, don’t go out of the way on my account. Whatever you were preparing for Ed is perfectly fine for me as well.”

The man shakes his head and gives Ed a panicked look that makes Roy’s smile falter. Sure he’s happy to have more public support than he’s ever dreamed of, but he hates to see it coming at this price. The man gestures wildly with his hands to Ed, but Ed only reaches out and chuckles as he touches his shoulder reassuringly. “It’s alright, Carlo. Really.” Carlo shoots a worried glance to Roy then back to Ed who’s still smiling at him. “The back table is fine. _Really._ We’d like the privacy.”

Carlo looks decidedly unconvinced but he nods anyway and turns to lead them inside. Roy steps into the steamy room that’s obviously the kitchen and is immediately taken aback but the amazing smells all around him. The entire small space is a bustle of activity with several other men wearing aprons similar to Carlo’s calling out in a language Roy isn’t familiar with as they work on stainless steel covered surfaces. He carefully makes his way after Carlo and Ed, careful not to get in anyone’s way as food is prepared and efficiently shuttled out to the front of the restaurant. Carlo takes them to a tiny room in the back, lit only by a single bare light bulb and gives Ed another questioning look. 

“Are you sure I can’t give you a table in front, Mr. Edward? This one is so cramped.” He reaches out to clear away an empty plate and some papers before giving Ed another pleading look. His eyes dart to Roy then back to Ed again. “I could make you a magnificent feast if—”

“This is fine Carlo. Maybe a bottle of that good red wine?” Carlo hesitates once more then finally nods his assent. 

Carlo turns sideways to make his way around Ed then pauses at the door to bow his head before Roy. “It’s is an honor to have you here, General, sir. Please accept my most sincere hospitality.” He doesn’t look Roy in the eyes so Roy holds out his hand in greeting. Carlo immediately clasps it with both of his own and shakes it eagerly, finally looking up.

“Thank you. Carlo. I’m happy to meet any friend of Ed’s and I look forward to sampling anything from that delicious smelling kitchen.” Carlo’s entire face lights up and Roy gives his arm a squeeze with his other hand as he returns the smile. “Thank you for allowing us to impose with our requests.”

Carlo shakes his hand again and suddenly stands up a little straighter, no longer cowering before him. He nods self assured and motions grandly with one hand toward Ed who’s already sitting at the small table. “For you and Mr. Edward, the finest specialties of the house!” And with that he exits the room with a flourish which Roy has to believe is more of his usual personality. He chuckles at the sight as he goes over to join Ed at the tiny wooden table.

As he sits down he finds Ed giving him a look he can’t quite read. He’s smiling, fondly, and in a way that has Roy feeling a little self conscious. Did he do something wrong? He arches an eyebrow and when Ed only continues to stare at him with the same goofy look he finally asks, “What? You’re looking at me like I’m a prized pet or something. Did I do something odd?”

Ed shakes his head but the strange smile doesn’t fade. “Nope.” He stares back a Roy then tilts his head thoughtfully. “You once asked me why I wrote the book the way I did.”

“Yes, and you said you weren’t ready to answer me yet.” Roy nods and remembers the conversation. It was right after the first book had come out and he’d realized Ed had told their entire story, in fiction, but with a twist that was highly in his favor and wholly inaccurate. Ed fashioned the story in a way that maintained all the relevant details but gave the “General Flame Mage” all the credit for saving the grand country of America from the insidious monsters within. Roy couldn’t understand why if he was going to tell the story, as a fantasy, that he didn’t tell it the way it happened, and if he did change it why he did it to favor Roy instead of himself.

Ed looks at him with that same strange smile again and Roy shifts in the uneven chair under the bizarre attention. He’s used to being the one doing the scheming and this being out of the loop definitely has him unbalanced. Ed folds his hands on the table then tells him simply, “I did it because I knew you were worth it.” But before Ed can say anything else a white linen table cloth is being unfurled over the rickety table.

Roy leans back when two young men squeeze into the small room and somehow he keeps the irritation and impatience bubbling up inside him off his face. Carlo’s waiters are no doubt doing as he asked and Roy won’t take his frustration at the delay in his and Ed’s conversation out on them. He smiles kindly at the sober faced young men as one smooths the table cloth and the other adds a tiny vase with a single multi-petaled flower to the table along with an equally small candle he lights with the flick of a lighter. Wine glasses are added to the table and before he knows it Carlo has returned with an open bottle of red wine that he pours into the two glasses. “Only the best for you, my friend,” he tells Ed with a smile.

“Thanks, Carlo,” Ed replies with a smile of his own before his face takes on a more serious expression. “If you wouldn’t mind, could the General and I have a few minutes to talk?” Ed words are delicate but with purpose and Carlo instantly nods eagerly.

“Of course, Mr. Edward! Take all the time you need.” Another waiter arrives from the kitchen with a hot plate of crispy bread smelling of fresh garlic and Carlo takes the plate before shooing the young man away. “Enough. You heard Mr. Edward.” Carlo sets the plate on the table then makes more dismissive motions with his hands as he runs the young man out. “Do not disturb our honored guests. Away with you!”

Ed grins around a piece of the hot bread as his friend leaves the room and Roy can’t help but smile himself. He has no idea how Ed knows this place so well, but he’s finding there are many things he doesn’t know about this older version of Edward. Yes, there are similarities to the boy he once knew, but he’s come to realize there are more differences than he initially had any idea about. Ed’s obviously been thinking ten steps ahead of him for a long time now and it’s time they finally talked. 

“What were you talking about? How am I ‘worth it?’” Roy asks as he reaches for a piece of the bread. The first bite is amazingly buttery with just the right amount of garlic roasted into the bread. He blinks with pleased surprise and looks at the rest of the bread in his hand. “Wow. That’s…really good.”

“Isn’t it?” Ed grins as he takes a sip of his wine and reaches for another piece of bread. “Jonas introduced me to this place.” Ed glances to the doorway where the door is now partially closed. “And to Carlo,” he adds with a laugh. “The man’s an amazing chef, but he’ll talk your ear off if you aren’t careful.” Roy nods, and while he’s amused at the story he’d like to get back to their previous conversation. He arches an eyebrow at Ed as he takes a sip of the wine--that is quite delicious--and thankfully Ed takes the hint. “Oh, right. The book.”

Ed finishes off the piece of bread he just picked up then dusts his hands off and turns all his attention to Roy. His golden eyes cloud slightly with thoughtfulness then he shrugs and looks at him directly. “It’s how you act, Roy. I for all intents and purposes handed you the keys to the kingdom and the first thing you do is start renovating a school.” 

Roy shakes his head. Ed doesn’t need to be laying credit on him for that. Anyone with the assignments he received could’ve seen that needed to be done. It wasn’t anything spe—

“No, don’t shake your head. I’m serious.” Ed leans forward and his eyes narrow. “It’s how you treat people.” Ed motions to the door with his hand. “People like Carlo who are used to being looked down on by those higher on the food chain.” Ed’s voice hardens but Roy can tell it’s not toward him. “You don’t do that. You never have, even if I wouldn’t see it when I was younger.” A hint of a smile touches his lips before he continues. “Just like at the book signing, you didn’t have to do that. You didn’t have to treat everyone with so much respect from silly girls to weathered veterans to even crazy nut jobs. You care about people, Roy. I just made things back to the way they should’ve been.”

“You did a lot more than that and I think you know it.” Roy spins the stem of the wine glass between his fingers. The dark liquid swirls in the glass and mirrors his own spinning thoughts. He’s certain Ed’s telling the truth, but there’s more and he wants to understand it. To be honest, he’s still not even sure how Ed pulled all this off. “You had to know how dangerous all this was, manipulating things the way you did. You couldn’t have known exactly how it would turn out.”

A slow smile spreads across Ed’s lips and Roy doesn’t miss the deviousness sparkling in his eyes. For a moment he swears he’s looking at the young brat who was once seeking the Philosopher’s Stone, but he knows better. There’s wisdom as well as mischievousness in his gaze and Roy’s tired of dancing around this the way they have for months. He’s about to demand answers when Ed beats him to the punch. “Actually, I did.”

Roy blinks at the simplicity and sheer audacity of his words. But there’s no doubting the confidence in them. But how? How could he possibly know how to manipulate the public so skillfully? Anyone with any military training knows it’s not so simple. He invited ultimate chaos with his actions, by telling the _truth_ to masses who couldn’t possibly understand it entirely. Roy shakes his head in disbelief because one look at Ed and he can tell he believes his words. “Edward, with what you did…. Amestris is a vast mix of so many people, and you were away for so long. How could you possibly have known—”

“I know people, Roy.” Once again Ed speaks with utter simplicity and Roy can only stare in disbelief. Ed reaches for his wine glass and swirls the contents before taking a drink. The smile fades a bit from his face and his eyes take on a wistful quality. Roy’s seen this look before. Ed’s thinking about Germany and he wonders exactly how much he’ll tell him this time. Ed savors the wine on his tongue before setting the glass down deliberately. “I’ve seen a lot of things in the way of propaganda used and played to the fullest.” Ed steeples his hands together then peers over them at Roy. “People like easy answers. But what they like even more than that is the truth.”

“Truth is dangerous, Edward.” Roy shakes his head and remembers the first time he read Ed’s book. He couldn’t believe how he’d actually put _everything_ in it from the Fuhrer who was a monster to evil alchemists extending their lives through murder. The only saving grace to the story was the fact it was sold as a fantasy, or so he thought. Telling the people of Amestris their country was run by monsters…he still doesn’t know how there’s wasn’t a complete revolt. “Fear is even more dangerous. People who don’t have trust in the establishment revolt. Telling the masses that the country was run by monsters—.”

“Could’ve been disastrous.” Ed grins at him and Roy frowns back in response. It feels like he’s mocking him, but he’s not. Roy’s come to discover this Ed has a rather sardonic sense of humor which is as entertaining as it is frustrating. Ed reaches for another piece of bread then motions with it in the air as he speaks. “But that’s not all I did, remember?” He takes a bite of the crispy bread then stares at him with mischievously sparkling eyes. “I told them about the monsters, then I gave a resolution. No need to revolt when the drama is already settled. I gave them a hero.” He grins brightly once more then adds before taking another bite of his bread. “I gave them you.”

Roy sits back and blinks at the enormity of the statement. He’s seen the results of Ed’s books. He’s been living with them for months. But to know that Ed actually _did_ plan out every detail, even though he suspected it, is still staggering. But even more than that, to know that he deliberately did all this because Ed believed so single-mindedly in _him…._ He doesn’t deserve it. Roy shakes his head sharply and reaches for his glass of wine, deliberately looking down at the table and not at Ed. “I don’t deserve that, Edward. I’m no hero.”

“And that’s exactly why you are.” 

Roy looks back across the table expecting to see that same scheming smile, but he doesn’t. Instead he’s met by a sober expression and very serious eyes. Ed’s hands are folded on the table and he’s staring at him with such intensity Roy has to struggle not to shift in his seat. When exactly did their rolls reverse? Was it the instant Ed fell back into this world or some time before? Part of his mind wants to protest this revelation, but the rest of him accepts it with surprising ease. He doesn’t know how and he doesn’t know why, but somehow, on the other side, Ed’s seen and been through more. “Edward. I don’t think—”

“I know you don’t. And that’s exactly why you’re worthy of so much trust.” 

Roy glances down at Ed’s hands because his gaze is still much to intense. Ed takes a deep breath and Roy finds himself holding his own in anticipation of what he may say next. But he doesn’t and Roy frowns slightly. He lifts his gaze to find Ed staring off to the side in a way Roy’s all too familiar with. He can’t count the times he must have looked the same way when he was lost in the past. It’s still a little jarring to see that look on the face of someone who spent so much time looking forward.

“I’m perfectly award of just how powerful a ‘hero’ can be, Roy.” Ed’s voice takes on a flat quality that sends a chill through Roy. It’s the voice of someone older, so much older, and Roy sallows hard as Ed unfolds his hands and fists his flesh one on the table. “Heroes, to people really in need of them, can take on an almost mythological quality, like a General who can make fire with his hands .” Ed shakes his head sharply then sighs softly. “They can do no wrong and anything they do or say…will be followed blindly. Fanatically. To be honest…,” Ed turns his gaze back to Roy and the immense pain reflected back at him stops Roy’s breath for an instant. “In any other world I don’t think I believe in heroes. Not living ones.” Ed’s eye’s lock with Roy’s and his voice deepens slightly. “But I believe in you.”

It takes Roy almost half a minute to remember to take a breath and as much as he’d like to turn away from this conversation he can’t. Not now. Not with Ed obviously opening up so much to him. He thinks about everything Ed’s told him since he’s been back, the mention of a Fuhrer more evil than Bradley, Ed’s burning need to be part of change, the fact that something more horrible than anything Roy’s ever seen obviously happened across the gate. But still, he can’t understand why Ed’s putting so much faith in him. Roy wets his lips and asks softly but seriously the one thing he has to know. “Why, Ed? Why me? Why do you put so much faith in me?”

Ed stares back at him for a long moment and to Roy’s surprise he smiles slowly. It’s not a broad smile, or a teasing one, but more one of slight amusement as if Roy were some child just barely missing the point clearly in front of him. “There was a time you wouldn’t have fought this so hard.” Roy shrugs and glances away because as he’s been telling Ed for the past year, he’s not the man he was. Ed chuckles softly and leans forward slightly which causes Roy to meet his gaze again. “It’s almost funny, in a way, because I think that’s what’s made all the difference.”

Roy frowns at his words and tilts his head. “What do you mean by that?” All this time he’s assumed Ed was seeing him the way he used to be, but if he’s understanding him now that may not be the case. He could almost understand why Ed might believe in the forwardly motivated bastard that he was, but if he’s actually seeing him for who he is now how does that make any sense at all?

Ed pauses before answering, obviously thinking over his words. Roy almost expects him to look off again but instead he stares him down directly when he speaks. “It was after all that happened in Ishval, all the injustice you saw there. That’s what made you want to get to the top, to change things, wasn’t it?” Roy’s eyes widen because that’s definitely _not_ something he ever anticipated discussing with Ed. But, even so, Ed’s right and all Roy can do is nod slowly. “Yeah, I thought so.” 

Roy nearly bristles at the nonchalant way Ed brushes it off, but he somehow manages to keep his cool. He knows Ed’s not trying to make light of things. But still, his patience is wearing thin and he’d like him to get to the point. “What are you trying to say, Edward.”

“I’m saying that all of that, all the stuff you did before because of the bad things you saw, the things you did. Those things made you a good man.” Roy can hear the unspoken “but” hanging in the air and he tenses with trepidation of where Ed’s going with this. Ed leans forward again, nearly across the table, and lowers his voice seriously. “That goal was so important to you, to make things right. It’s why you took on me and Al. It’s why you did so many things back then. And now, looking back, can you honestly say if you’d encountered a fanatic like the one we saw back at the bookstore that you wouldn’t have tried to use them too?”

Roy blinks and goes completely still, as does Ed whose still leaning over the table. He knew he didn’t like where this was going. He takes a deliberate breath and meets Ed’s eyes directly. “I’m fairly certain you already know the answer to that.” Ed arches an eyebrow and Roy huffs as Ed sits back in his chair, obviously wanting him to spell it out. “Yes. You’re right. I probably would’ve tried to press any advantage I could.”

“And if you’d been put so close to your goal of Fuhrer there’s no way you’d have been working on school renovations.” Ed leans back in his chair with a decidedly smug look on his face and Roy’s just about had enough. He must sense that because his smile fades to a more sober expression again. “My point is, you saw injustice and you wanted to change it at any cost. But then, up on that mountain, you came face to face with your own inner demons. Most people wouldn’t have gotten past that, Roy.” He shrugs and reaches out to trace his fingers down the stem of his wine glass. “I know I gave you crap about that before, but I also know most people wouldn’t have gotten past it. But you did.”

Roy shrugs off what’s obviously supposed to be some type of praise because he doesn’t deserve any. Ed was right before when he called him out on giving up. Yes, those higher up in command were making his life difficult, but he still gave up. He shakes his head because he’s not sure why Ed’s back peddling now. “As you so succinctly put it before, ‘I got my head out of my ass.’ I hardly think that calls for a medal.”

Ed snorts and grins wryly at him. “True. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about the fact that now you won’t be looking through people just to reach your end goal no matter how good it may be. It’s not all about the ambition anymore, is it?” Ed’s smile grows as he continues. “That’s what makes you a hero, Roy, and thats exactly why I won’t stop until you finally are Fuhrer.”

Roy stares speechless at Ed, because he can’t really do anything else, and Ed drinks down the rest of his wine and grins. “Now, can we get Carlo back in here? I’m starving.” Ed’s smile turns into a smirk Roy recognizes all too well as a harbinger of something he’s not going to like. “Also, I’ve got that mission to Creta in a couple weeks and, I have to admit, I’ve been a little too busy to get all read up on it. Think you can fill me in?”

He knows what Ed’s doing. He’s trying to deflect the weight of the conversation and it takes Roy’s mind a moment to catch up. He still doesn’t completely agree with him. He doesn’t see himself as a hero, but he is starting to understand why Ed’s working so hard to back him up. He trusts him. That’s what it comes down to and he has a feeling Ed’s trust is even harder to garner now than when he was a young brat after the Stone. It’s humbling, but inspiring all at the same time because now he knows one thing perfectly clear. 

He won’t let Ed down.

Roy reaches to finish his glass of wine and returns Ed’s smile. He’d like to say more, but the pensiveness in Ed’s eyes makes it clear he’s not looking for more debate. Instead Roy picks up on the deflection Ed starts and shakes his head. “Why am I not surprised?” He swallows down the rest of his wine and isn’t surprised when Ed visibly relaxes. Obviously he enjoys intense conversation about as much as Roy does. “Don’t worry, Edward. It should be a simple diplomatic mission. Creta seems to be ready to open peace talks with us despite their feelings toward alchemy. You’re basically being sent along for your notoriety.”

Ed snorts then motions toward someone on the other side of the cracked door. An instant later the door opens and Carlo enters to refill their glass. Waiters with food are right behind him and Roy can only smile at the attentiveness that goes hand in hand with eavesdropping. Ed shoots Roy a knowing look and grins. “Don’t worry, Roy. I’ll be more than happy to play the prized stallion in your dog and pony show.”

Roy chuckles because he has no doubt Ed will dazzle Creta as well as he’s dazzled Amestris. He’s only sorry he won’t be able to go with him to enjoy the show.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated ;-)


	5. Chapter 5

Why can’t things ever be as simple as they should be? 

The mission to Creta should’ve been a formality despite Creta’s centuries long distrust of alchemy. Over the last decade they’ve actually made headway with the King of Creta and talks have been going on for years concerning a formal peace treaty along with more open borders for trade. It’s a huge accomplishment that Roy’s been involved with for years. Sending Ed, as one of Amestris’ biggest celebrities as well as an alchemist, should’ve smoothed the negotiations even more with his ability to showcase nonmilitary forms of alchemy. Roy imagined that Ed’s fantastical folded paper dragons along with his knack for mending nearly anything in a blink of an eye could only help solidify the new relationship. From all accounts he was right and everything would’ve gone off without a hitch…if they’d been informed on the actual inner politics of the country.

From all accounts the King of Creta had full control of his country. Roy hadn’t heard as much as a rumor about civil unrest or an underground militant group highly opposed to dealing with alchemists. If he’d known they could’ve made different arrangements for the talks or worked with the Cretans to enhance their security. But all indications were that they would be welcomed if not with open arms with open minds. From all reports not even King Minos was prepared for what transpired. If Ed hadn’t been there it would’ve been a massacre…but that fact still doesn’t ease the twisted feeling in Roy’s gut that he shouldn’t have sent him. 

Roy drives quickly through the streets of Central to the north side of town. He thought he would’ve been on his way to the train station to meet the evening train Ed _should_ have been on, but as usual nothing is ever that simple. He was actually on his way out the door of his office when Kain stopped him with an urgent call from Jonas who had been trying to reach him most of the day. Getting a direct line to a General’s office, even for a friend, isn’t easy and Jonas made sure scold him over that fact. The reality is if Kain hadn’t recognized his name Roy never would’ve gotten the call at all and he wouldn’t know Ed somehow came in on the afternoon train. Leave it to his erratic subordinate to be predictably unpredictable.

Roy finally reaches the familiar old side of town and Jonas’ pub comes into view. He drives around the weathered building, through a narrow alley to park by the back door as per Jonas’ request. He can only imagine why such a thing would be necessary. Has Ed been here drinking all day? Roy knew once he saw the reports about the incident that Ed couldn’t have taken things well and he’s been cursing himself since he took Jonas’ call that he didn’t see this coming. _Why_ did he have to send Ed on this damn mission? Hasn’t he been through enough?

He jerks the car into park as soon as he reaches the back door and jumps out of the car. He starts for the back door, but then he realizes it could be locked and quickly walks around the building, his long black coat billowing around him with his pace. Long shadows follow him as the sun sets low over the old buildings filling the block and he storms through the front door of the pub with a serious demeanor he rarely wears in this place. Today isn’t a social call and he quickly makes his way past the front tables without sparing a glance to anyone save Jonas who’s already coming around the bar. There’s obvious concern on his face and Roy’s expression tightens even more. 

“General Roy. Finally you’re here.” Jonas immediately pulls Roy to the side of the bar and gives him a disapproving look. “I was trying to reach you for hours. You really should have a talk with your staff about their treatment of dear friends. One would almost think—”

“I’ll deal with it.” Roy’s voice is hard and flat, a tone he normally only uses when giving orders and Jonas’ eyes widen a fraction before nodding. “Where is he?” As much as he’d like to be more polite the urgency building inside him won’t allow it. 

“He’s at the back table. Been here most of the day.” Jonas shoots a worried glance toward the back of the bar and that’s all Roy needs to see. He turns to make his way down the bar when Jonas’ tugs lightly at his arm. “General.”

“It’s alright, Jonas. I’ll take him out the back.” All Roy’s attention is drawn to the dimly lit back of the bar and he pulls his arm away. Jonas is only trying to help, and he’ll be sure to thank him later, but right now he needs to get Ed out of here. “I appreciate your cooperation, as I’m sure he will when he sobers up.”

Roy only makes it one step before Jonas catches his arm again. This time Roy looks back with a confused frown, but the empathetic expression on Jonas’ face instantly melts his irritation. “No, General Roy, you don’t understand. He’s barely had a drop all day.” Jonas’ eyes cloud with deep concern and Roy’s gut twists in response. “It’s bad.”

He can honestly say he didn’t expect that revelation and he meets Jonas’ eyes with his own before nodding and pulling away again. He already knew it was bad, but why would Ed come to a bar if not to drown away his sorrows? It doesn’t make sense. If it were him he knows he’d be craving a drink, the stronger the better. Could Jonas be mistaken?

Another couple strides and Roy reaches the less crowded area of the bar and once again doubts Jonas’ story. Ed’s at the back table, just as Jonas indicated, but he doesn’t look like someone who’s hardly had a drink all day. On the contrary, he’s leaning forward with his head resting on his arms spread over the table. If anything he looks like he’s passed out or is close to it. There’s a mostly full beer on the table, but who knows how many came before it? Roy makes his way to the side of the table and places a light hand on his shoulder as he leans down to speak to him. “Ed.”

“Took you long enough to find me.” Ed’s voice is muffled against the table and Roy frowns at the annoyance in his tone. Apparently he isn’t as incapacitated as he seems.

“I might have been here sooner if I’d know I was supposed to be looking.” An indistinct snort is Ed’s only response and Roy shakes his head. It’s been a very long time since he’s seen Ed act this insolent and he’s not sure how to deal with it anymore. A lifetime ago he’d have ordered Ed to get up or dragged him out forcefully. But they’ve come a long way from those days and instead of pushing him, Roy takes the empty seat beside him. 

He stares at the blond head still face down on the table and reaches out for his nearly full beer mug. He wraps his hands around it and frowns. It’s well beyond the cellar temperature Ed enjoys. It’s been here for a long while. Roy turns his attention back to Ed and lets out a long, soft breath. “I’ve seen the reports. The rebels didn’t give you much of an option.” A low grunt is the only response he gets and Roy tries again, a little softer. “You did what you had to. You—”

“I killed them.” 

Roy winces at the hard and cold quality to Ed’s voice and he shakes his head. He can’t look at it that way. It wasn’t his fault. “Ed, you stopped them from—”

“No, Roy.” Ed jerks his head up and Roy sucks in a breath at the deeply troubled and bloodshot eyes that lock on him. He looks like someone who hasn’t slept in days. He probably hasn’t eaten either from the gaunt look to his face. Roy shakes his head again but immediately stops when he’s met by what sounds a low growl. “I didn’t _stop_ them. I _killed_ them. There’s a difference.” 

Ed’s fingers curl against the table and Roy winces when he sees that the nails of his left hand have been bitten all the way off into the quick. They look painful and sore but as Ed drags them across the table he doesn’t seem to care. “So there is, but it still doesn’t make it your fault. They made their choi—”

“I blew them up with their own fucking missile. Does that sound like a choice to you? How about the ensuing rock slide that crushed the rest to death? Does that sound like a fucking _choice?_ ” Ed snorts and shakes his head sharply then lowers it back down to the table. His head rocks side to side as he mumbles against the worn, wooden surface. “Fucking missiles. No alchemy, but fucking missiles. Just like the fucking buzz bombs. Not even rock walls would hold them back. Just like fucking Lond….”

Whatever else Ed says is absorbed by his folded arms and the table. Roy just stares because he has no idea how to respond. At some point they will need to discuss this because no one in Amestris has any idea what he’s talking about. The Amestrian military is far from inadequate, but until now no one had ever even heard of “flying bombs.” Apparently Creta, or some faction within the state, has been pouring their technological resources into making these monstrous weapons. If Ed hadn’t been there the central seat of power would’ve been destroyed. 

That’s most likely the reason the King Minos reached out to them. He was probably hoping an alliance would bring him military and alchemic protection, but it’s doubtful the envoy would’ve been much help if Ed hadn’t been there. As it stands now most of the rebels responsible for the terror weapons have been apprehended or killed and now the diplomatic discussion as turned to containing and destroying these weapons so they can’t be used again. Ed’s responsible for all of that and he shouldn’t be berating himself over a matter where he had no choice. His action saved countless lives. That’s all that matters. 

“Ed, listen to me. I understand.”

“Don’t.”

The word is short and clipped. If Roy didn’t know better he’d think he sounded angry at him, but that makes no sense. Roy knows he’s hurting, but he can’t put this all on himself. Its not his sole responsibility. “No, listen. Sometimes we have to make hard choices, but if the results out weigh the means—”

“I said, _**DON’T!**_ ” 

Ed’s head snaps up and and Roy’s breath catches at the sheer malice directed straight at him. He wasn’t mistaken. Ed _is_ angry. No, not angry. Enraged. And it’s not about some nebulous situation in another country. It’s about here and now and Roy has no idea why. He swallows and sits up straighter, not backing down. Ed can be as intimidating as he likes but that’s not going to end this conversation. “Edward—”

“Don’t ‘Edward’ me, Roy.” Ed’s eyes narrow and he leans toward him with such aggression that it’s all Roy can do to hold his ground. “You know _nothing_ about this.” Roy takes a breath to dispute him but Ed waves his hand dismissively. “Don’t even bring up that pathetic little skirmish in Ishval. You have _no_ idea what actual hard choices are. You think you do, but you don’t.” Ed snorts derisively and levels his glare square on Roy again. “I know you think you have blood on your hands, but it’s nothing. It’s insignificant. Not compared to what we did.” Ed’s eyes bore into him another moment before he turns his head away. When he speaks again all the rage has drained from his voice. “Why don’t you get me out of here? I can’t do this here.”

Roy blinks at the sudden change. In one instant Ed looked ready to tear his throat out with his bare hands for comparing them and in the next he looks utterly defeated and broken. Roy stares at the man he once thought he understood with new eyes. He can’t even begin to process what he’s said. In only a few breaths Roy’s gone from angry to defensive and now to complete confusion. What could Ed, or Ed and Al, have possibly done that would make his own sins inconsequential? It makes no sense. That’s not Ed. This isn’t Ed, or at least he didn’t think it was. None of this makes any sense at all. Ed turns his head to look at him and Roy suddenly remembers his request.

“Oh, yes. Of course.” Roy quickly pushes out of his seat even though he still feels completely unbalanced. Ed slowly follows his lead and then to his surprise comes closer and drapes his arm over Roy’s shoulders. Roy feels his head lean against him as if he were too drunk to stand on his own and after a moment’s hesitation he wraps his arm around Ed’s waist. He knows Ed’s not drunk. Is the grief and guilt so much he can’t even manage to walk on his own two feet? Roy doesn’t know, but he won’t question it now. They can talk more when they get out of here. Roy turns him toward the back door but they only make it a few steps before Jonas comes hurrying up to them with a bottle in hand.

“General Roy. Please, take this.” He holds out a bottle that looks very old and Roy frowns in question. “It’s scotch whiskey. The very best in the house. Twenty seven years old. Please, accept this gift.” 

Jonas offers up the bottle again and Roy shakes his head. It’s too valuable and they don’t need it. If Ed wanted to drink he had all day. Roy attempts to maneuver around him but Jonas blocks his way again. “It’s alright, Jonas. We don’t need—”

“Take the bottle, Roy.”

Ed’s voice is low and rough against his shoulder and Roy freezes. He didn’t see that coming especially from Ed. Roy eyes the dusty bottle in Jonas’ hands and reluctantly reaches for it. He has a bad feeling this won’t turn out well, but he does as he’s asked and accepts the gift. Jonas gives him a mournful nod then moves off toward the bar. Ed continues to lean against him as they make their way out the back door and it’s as they are walking toward his car that he realizes Ed’s putting no weight on him other than the arm across his shoulders and his head leaned against him. It’s almost as if he needs the touch more than the support. Roy doesn’t know what to make of that and carefully pulls away as he opens the passenger side door. 

Ed slides into the car without a word and Roy closes the door for him when Ed only sits and stares straight out the windshield. He makes his way around the car and when he get inside he puts the bottle in the backseat. Maybe Ed won’t remember when they get—and that’s when he realizes he’s not sure where to take him. He glances toward Ed who’s still blankly staring out the front window and asks softly, “Should I take you home?”

Silence fills the car when Ed doesn’t answer and Roy starts it to fill the void. He waits another long, uncomfortable moment then put the car in gear. He’ll just take him home. He can’t imagine anywhere else he’d want to go. As long as Ed’s been back he hasn’t been to Roy’s place once and he can’t imagine he’d want to now. He hates to leave him alone, but he can always ask if Ed wants him to stay. Roy reaches an intersection and is about to turn off toward Ed’s house when he finally speaks and breaks the silence.

“No. Not my place.” 

His voice is flat, emotionless and Roy stops at the intersection to look over at him. Ed’s still staring blankly out the windshield and Roy frowns. Is he wanting to go to another bar or some other self destructive place? “Ed, if you’d like me to stay—”

“Your place, Roy. Take me to your place.” Roy starts at the unexpected request then catches his breath when Ed finally looks toward him with pain filled eyes. “We need to talk, don’tcha think?” Ed reaches into the back seat for the bottle, puts it between his legs on the seat then stares out the front window again. Roy gives him a long look then nods once and continues through the intersection toward his own home. 

The rest of the drive is made in silence. Roy considers turning the radio on once or twice but each time he glances over to Ed’s tense, ridged form he changes his mind. It’s only about a ten minute drive to his small military rent house right outside of Central command and he parks on the street in his usual spot. He casts a quick glance to Ed, who’s made no move to get out, then opens his own door. He’s not sure how Ed wants this to go so he’ll let him take the lead, within reason. Roy gets out of the car and as he’s making his way to the front door he hears Ed get out behind him. Roy unlocks the door then does the last thing he ever expected to do: welcome Ed into his home. 

Ed follows after him, bottle clutched in his left hand, and stops just inside the door to look around. Roy turns on the light and for the first time feels a little insecure about his lodgings. He doesn’t usually have guests over, Hawkeye’s only been by here once to deliver some reports, and he doesn’t know what Ed must think. It’s small, efficient and must be different than the large apartment he’s heard Ed has on the north side of town. This is hardly more than a small living room, kitchen and bedroom, but it’s all he’s ever needed so he never saw any reason for anything more. Books fill the small shelves in his living room with spillover stacked in neat piles on the floor. He does have some reports scattered over his desk and he walks over to tidy up a little, even though he knows it’s a silly gesture. Ed probably doesn’t care about his housecleaning at this point. 

“Huh.” Roy hears behind him and he focuses on clearing off the couch once he finishes with the desk. He has a tendency to leave books where he finishes them because he hardly has much time to read and doesn’t have too many places to put them away. “Not what I’d have expected from the famous Flame General of Amestris.”

“A title you only recently had bestowed on me.” Roy bristles under the criticism, but bites his tongue. Now isn’t the time to get into an argument with Ed no matter how easy it might be. He gathers up a stack of books from the couch and carries it over to his small desk. He spots one of his bottles of painkillers and grabs it. He can already feel the beginnings of a throbbing headache behind his left eye and he takes a couple of the pills dry. 

“Like time would make a diff— Hey, is there something I should know about?” Ed nods toward the bottle in Roy’s hand and Roy shakes his head. 

“No, just a headache. I get them from time to time.” Roy puts the bottle back on the desk and ignores the way Ed’s eyes linger over it. “Didn’t you say you wanted to talk?”

Ed jerks his head Roy’s direction then nods slowly. “Yeah, okay.” His voice is flat and even again and he glances down at the bottle in his hand. “You have some glasses?” He pauses for a moment then mumbles barely audible, “I know I’m gonna need ‘em….”

This is exactly what Roy was afraid of, but how can he say no? It’s not like he hasn’t drown his own sorrows more than once over the years, though not recently. After the he went up on that mountain all those years ago he nearly used it as an opportunity to curl up in the bottom of a bottle. But he didn’t. He didn’t feel he deserved that “escape” and afterward, when he became a commissioned officer again, he swore off drinking like that in order to stay focused. Now he’d like to turn Ed down, but he can’t bring himself to do it so he heads to the kitchen without a word to retrieve two short glasses. He returns to find Ed sitting on the couch and he puts the glasses on the table in front of it as he takes a seat beside him.

Ed leans forward and hooks each of the glasses with automail fingers and tugs them closer. Then he opens the dusty bottle and pours a bit into each. He pushes one of the glasses toward Roy with the back of his hand then picks up the other one and downs it all in one shot. Ed grimaces and squeezes his eyes shut as he swallows down the old whiskey and Roy sympathizes. He hasn’t been hammered on this type of scotch before, but he has drank way too much of equally potent spirits. He swirls the amber liquid in his glass before hazarding a small sip.

It’s strong, smoky and warms him inside deep into his chest. There’s a spicy aftertaste on his tongue that’s not altogether unpleasant. It’s not his usual beverage of choice, but it is quite good, as long as you’re sipping it. Ed leans forward again to fill his glass, about twice as full as before, and Roy breathes a soft sigh of relief when instead of gulping it down he leans back on the couch and swirls the glass in his hand. He seems transfixed by the liquid sloshing around and Roy isn’t sure how to start this. He finally takes another sip of the whiskey and addresses him softly, “Ed….”

“Don’t.” Ed doesn’t look up from his glass but he does take another drink probably twice as deep as the one Roy just took. He makes another brief, sour face then shakes his head slowly. “Just…let me.”

Roy nods at the request and leans back on the couch to get more comfortable. He doesn’t want to push as this is obviously hard on Ed, but when five minutes pass without another word he can’t hold his tongue. “Ed, I realize you don’t think I understand, and I won’t compare what I’ve done to what you’ve been through. But I do understand what happened in Creta. I know—”

“It’s not about Creta, Roy.” Ed lets out a long sigh before draining his glass and reaching out to refill it again. It’s only at that moment Roy realizes he’s finished his own and he sets his glass next to Ed’s to be refilled as well. Ed obliges then grabs his own glass and leans back on the couch again. “That was horrible. Nothing I ever expected here. But I realize there was no better option.” He shakes his head slowly and Roy tries to ignore the hollow quality to his voice. “They were all part of the attack. It was…a tragedy, but I know they helped bring it on themselves with the first missile launch.”

Roy nods. This is everything he was trying to make him see at the bar. So if this isn’t about Creta, it must be about something that happened on the other side. Ed still seems reluctant to talk about it so Roy tries to prod him with a less invasive statement. “You’ve seen something like that before.”

Ed stares at him for a long moment before turning his attention back to his glass and taking a drink. “It would’ve been one thing if those rebels were targeting military targets…but I doubt they had the capability.” Ed looks across the small room, but Roy can tell whatever he’s seeing is not in the present. “They hit a market place first. Filled with innocents and children.” He closes his eyes then takes another long drink. “It wouldn’t have stopped there. They would have just kept coming and coming and destroying everything indiscriminately. The screams and the terror….” Ed swallows hard and when he opens his eyes they’re haunted and dull, the eyes of someone who’s known true suffering. “Just like London…and I had to stop that.”

Roy nods and takes a deep drink of the scotch. It warms him even more than before and he welcomes the slight hazy feeling it brings. He hasn’t seen artillery strikes like the ones Ed’s describing, but he does remember the sounds of Kimblee’s bombs and the screams before he learned to make his flames hot enough to prevent them. It shakes him to his core and he hates the fact Ed’s had to endure his own tortures of war. Silence stretches between them until Roy finally is able to process the one new bit of information Ed let slip. “London?” He asks carefully. “I thought you and Alphonse were in Germany.”

Ed’s hand tightens around his glass and did he flinch when Roy mentioned Al’s name? He’d like to ask about his brother but hes certain that might just end this conversation altogether. Ed runs his automail hand over his face then drowns the rest of his glass. 

“We started in Germany.But that was before a maniac took over the country and tried to use us for his own purposes.” Ed leans forward to refill his glass and Roy holds out his as well. They’ve gone through half the bottle, but somehow it doesn’t feel like it’s near enough. “We escaped to France, then to England. That’s where London is. And that’s where we were bombed for fifty seven straight days.” Ed’s hand tightens around his glass and Roy takes a deep drink from his own as Ed’s voice grows even more emotionless. “They came from the air, land, sea…didn’t think it would ever stop. And that’s when….”

Ed drifts off and Roy’s entire body fills with tension at the tease for more information. He bites his tongue to keep from instantly prodding for more and thinks about his words instead. He says they came from the air, could it have been from things like those flying machines that invaded Amestris so long ago? He can’t imagine being at the mercy of things like that raining down explosives on a city. And this went on for nearly two months? How could anything or anyone be left standing? Maybe Ed wasn’t exaggerating when he said he’d seen so much worse than Amestris has ever had to offer.

“We had to do something.” 

Roy’s head jerks up from his perusal of his nearly empty glass at the sound of his voice. He looks resolute and defeated at the same time and Roy nods slowly hoping he’ll continue. Thankfully he doesn’t have to wait any longer than it takes for Ed to top off their glasses again.

“There was another force that allied with us. The Americans.” Roy’s sits up a little straighter when he recognizes the name as the country in his book. How many other truth are hidden in his writing just waiting to be uncovered? Roy pushes the thought away to focus on the story as Ed continues. 

“They started working with the Brits to create something so horrible it would put an end to all wars. Once Al and I got wind of it we had to be a part.” Ed’s vacant stare and hollow voice cause Roy’s gut to twist and he almost wants to tell him to stop. But he can’t. He needs to know. “They interrogated us for weeks before finally trusting us. And then we were part of it. We were the monsters.”

Roy blinks at his statement and he wants to argue with it, but he doesn’t know enough. He takes a deep drink and is thankfully rewarded with more of the warm hazy bliss only alcohol can provide. Ed seems lost in his own glass and Roy hazards asking a question. “Did it work?”

Ed shrugs and leans his head back on the couch so he’s looking up at the ceiling. “Come to find out the crazy Fuhrer wasn’t the only murderous lunatic out there. There was another country, an island, filled with fanatical soldiers the likes of which would put the people of Lior under Cornello to shame.” Ed rolls his head along the back of the couch until he’s facing Roy and the dead look in his eyes sends a chill down Roy’s spine. “They had no respect for life, theirs or otherwise. They would commit suicide just to take others with them. It had to end, Roy. It had to.”

Roy nods solemnly and by the slight softening of Ed’s features he obviously needed to be agreed with. Roy wets his lips and hopes he won’t break this fragile understanding by speaking, but he has to. “It’s never easy to save lives by taking them. But sometimes, Ed, sometimes there’s no other option.”

Ed stares at him long and hard before turning his head to stare up at the ceiling again. “Oh, I know. It’s why we were working on the project…but we had assurances.” Ed’s eyes squeeze shut and he makes a choked off sound that sounds too much like a sob. “There was supposed to be a warning, a test. It would have been enough. If they had just seen what it could do…it would have been enough.”

Anguish laces each word and tears run unchecked down Ed’s cheeks. Roy’s hand holding his glass trembles and the lead feeling in the pit of his stomach gets worse. It’s too easy to imagine where Ed’s going with this, but unless he hears it all…. Roy holds his breath as Ed’s voice cracks again. 

“They took the research, the _successful_ research and _used_ it.” Ed shakes his head sharply. “Or they were going to. When Al and I found out…. We barely made it out alive.” Ed’s hands clench and his voice wavers even more. “There are places on both sides, places where the fabric between worlds are thinner. That’s where we wanted to do it. So we could be closer to home. So we went to one, a place west of London. And that’s where we….”

Ed’s voice cracks again and the look on his face is nothing short of shattered. Roy doesn’t follow it at first, but then he remembers how he found them, both of them, face down in pools of blood, and the one detail he told no one about. The one detail he’d blocked from his mind because it made no sense. But now, after getting the whole picture, he recognizes it for what it was. He should have seen it before considering the way they wouldn’t look at each other. He should have known from the time he tried to bite the barrel of his own gun. There was only one reason each of the brothers would’ve been holding blood stained knives. 

“Ed…,” he murmurs softy and reaches out for him, but the instant he touches his shoulder Ed turns his head the other way and jerks from his touch. Roy grits his teeth because he won’t be deterred. Not now. He grabs Ed’s shoulder again and shakes it lightly. “Ed listen to me. I understa—”

“No! You don’t!” Ed’s head whips around and his eyes are red and desperate. “You can’t possibly kn—”

“I tried it myself!” Ed stops in mid sentence and blinks with obvious surprise. He stares back at him and Roy can see it hidden beneath the pain. Under the pleading eyes and trembling lip is what he’s needing to find. Hope. Desperate and fragile hope that he’s not alone in this and as much as he never, _ever_ wanted Ed to know this, he won’t deny him this twisted bit of comfort. “It was after Ishval….” Roy glances away then forces himself to look him back in the eye. He can’t hide from this, not if Ed’s going to believe him. “It was after the Rockbells, after I….” Roy shakes his head and clears his throat. His voice is trembling, but he won’t back down. He won’t. “Marcoh found me, with my gun under my chin. I would have. Ed, believe me…I would have.”

Ed stares back at him with wide red rimmed eyes. For a moment Roy’s not sure if he believes him, but then there’s a spark of understanding, a spark of something—and then hard lips pressing against his own. Roy blinks, completely thrown off balance and he tries to ask what’s happening, but as soon as he opens his mouth it’s filled with Ed’s warm, thrusting tongue. Ed’s hands are on him and after another moment of stunned surprise he kisses him back purely in self defense. Ed’s hands are gripping his shoulders just on the edge of pain and he can taste the desperation in Ed’s kiss. It breaks his heart at the same time that it ignites things he shouldn’t feel. 

“I didn’t know.” Ed’s voice is wavering, just on the edge of tears, as he speaks right against Roy’s lips between kisses. “I swear I didn’t know, Roy. I just wanted to be close to home.” He leans forward, pinning Roy against the back of the couch and he can taste Ed’s tears on his lips mingling with his own. “I didn’t—the sacrifice—I didn’t know.”

“Shh, there’s no way you could.” Roy wraps his arms around him to comfort him or seek comfort he doesn’t know. Emotions are flooding him wildly as Ed wraps around him like a second skin and he wonders why Ed’s doing this and why he’s waited so long. He never forgot him, never stopped thinking about him in all those years and it’s only now he allows himself to acknowledge the reason. There was always a connection between them, but since he’s been back…it’s been different and he’s only now understanding why. “Ed, you couldn’t have known about the blood seal. It’s not your—”

“But-but what if he thinks—?” Ed buries his face against his neck and Roy pulls him tighter against him. Ed’s nearly on top of him now but it still doesn’t feel like enough. “What if—” The words are muffled against his neck but still he makes them out. “What if he thinks I did it… _on purpose?_

Roy still doesn’t know the extent of the damage, but it obviously was a massive loss of life to send them both back through the gate. To be granted that gift by creating something so horrible, he can’t imagine the guilt Ed’s been carrying. Roy opens his mouth to console him again when the rest of his words suddenly click into place. _He._ Al. Is he really afraid Al thinks he orchestrated all of it just to bring them home? Is this why they haven’t talked? “Ed.” He tries to push him back but Ed won’t let go. “Ed, listen to me. You need to talk to him. You need to—”

“No.” He shakes his head against Roy’s shoulder and his arms tighten around him even more. “No, no Roy. I can’t. Not after what we did.” Ed shudders hard in his arms and Roy runs his hands over his back and just holds him. “We tired to…we tried to _KILL_ each other. And-and the place. It was my idea. He can’t possibly—I can’t. I can’t.”

“Ed, he’s your _brother_. Maybe if you just—”

Ed pulls back sharply and Roy’s words die on his lips as he looks back at him. His eyes are frantic and pleading and Roy swallows hard as he’s pinned down by them. “Don’t. Please, Roy. I don’t want to talk anymore.” Roy feels his chest tighten as Ed’s eyes continue to bore in to him and a completely different feeling spreads through him as Ed speaks again. “ _Please._ ” And there’s no questioning that his plea isn’t to stop the conversation. It’s more, and it’s a heavy weight that nearly smothers him until he nods. 

“Okay,” He murmurs softly and Ed’s lips steal away anything else he might have said. Ed stretches out over him and Roy isn’t sure how he ended up laying completely on the couch. Heat erupts everywhere they’re in contact and it’s nearly too much, but at the same time it’s not enough. He knows this is consolation, but deep inside he knows it’s more. He knows it’s connected with the book and the way Ed’s always giving him that strange look. It has to do with all the beers at Jonas’ bar and the nights they’ve stayed until closing talking about meaningless gossip. It about all of that and somehow more and he won’t let this moment slip away.

He kisses Ed back and reaches up to thread his fingers through his hair. When he encounters the tie he quickly undoes it and runs his fingers though his hair again. Ed grinds his hips down against him and Roy runs his hands down his back, groaning as he does. Roy’s hands find his hard ass and he pulls him even tighter against him as Ed rocks his hips in a familiar and intoxicating rhythm, hard and so tortuously slow. He tilts his head forward to kiss down Ed’s neck when the kiss is broken until he feels Ed’s fingers tracing along the fabric of his eye patch. He tries to shake his touch away but Ed’s fingers grow more and more insistent. “Ed, stop.”

“Why?” He pulls back just enough to look down at him and Roy tries to look away, but there’s no escaping him this close. He squirms under him and Ed lightly caresses his left cheek with the back his flesh fingers. Roy looks up at him tentatively and all he sees is genuine warmth and concern. If causes a huge lump to form in Roy’s throat and he swallows hard around it in order to answer.

“It’s not attractive. You don’t need to….” Roy glances away again and murmurs, “Just leave it.” And that should be the end of it. With the few people he’s been with before that was enough. But this is Ed and he should know better. Ed caresses his cheek once more then traces his fingers along the patch again. 

“You’re talking to the wrong person for sympathy there, Roy.” Roy looks up at him expecting to see a mocking grin, but he doesn’t. There’s nothing but honestly etched into every line on his face. “I’ve got more scars than you can ever compete with.” His eyes grow more serious and his voice lowers to a whisper. “Please. Don’t hide from me?”

How can he stand a chance against a request like that? Roy bites his lower lip and then against all the warnings screaming inside him he nods slowly. His heart races and anxiety twists him up inside because Ed has to remember him the way he was. What if it’s too much? What if this all ends before it begins? Ed reaches down to untie the patch and he nearly stops him. He even brings his hand up halfway but at the last second he relents and his breath catches as Ed draws the soft fabric away.

Roy can’t look at him so he turns his head slightly toward the back of the couch even though that exposes the damaged side of his face more. Ed’s fingers trace down the deep scar running down his cheek from his useless eye with a tenderness that nearly brings him to tears. Please, don’t let this turn him away. And just how did he become the needy one in this situation?

Tender lips touch the rough scar and Roy’s breath catches. He turns his head to look up at Ed and his eyes widen at the soft, compassionate look on Ed’s face. How can Ed know? How can he understand? It makes no sense but one look in his eyes and Roy knows it’s true. Cool fingers trace over his temple then down the side of his face and Roy closes his eyes, silently opening himself up to Ed in a way he hasn’t with anyone since his world first turned on it’s head. 

“It’s really not so bad.” Roy blinks his eyes open and once again he reads nothing but truth on Ed’s features. He keeps waiting for the teasing, the mocking comment to come, but it doesn’t and it chokes him up so much he can’t answer him. Ed’s fingers run through his hair and he’s completely at his mercy. “Is it functional at all? It doesn’t look…” Ed lowers his gazes and murmurs, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to….”

“It’s okay.” Somehow Roy finds his voice again and he reaches up to hold Ed’s hand. He brings it back to his cheek and for an instant the cool metal surprises him, but then he relishes it as a similarity between them. Life has damaged them both, but he’s never looked at Ed that way. Is it so crazy that Ed might see him in the same light? He looks up at him directly as he answers, “Movement and light. That’s all.”

Ed nods and brushes his thumb against Roy’s cheek. He lightly traces the scar again and strangely the attention he’s giving it is making Roy feel less and less self conscious. He’s worn the patch for so long he feels more exposed than he would if he were naked beneath him, but somehow Ed’s making it alright. He wishes he could tell him how much that means because hasn’t been able to look himself in the mirror without the patch for more years than he can count. The inch wide, rough pink scar coupled with the cloudy white of his eye made him feel weak and vulnerable. But Ed’s looking at him like it’s no more strange than his automail limbs, and maybe, on some level, it isn’t. 

“I’ve spent my life wearing gloves and fake skin, Roy. I know.” His voice is soft and without accusation. He’s just stating the truth and Roy nods slightly. “But at some point it’s nice to tell the world to just fuck off.” A smile curls Ed’s lips and it’s only at that moment he realizes that since Ed’s been back he’s hardly bothered hiding his automail. Roy has no idea if automail exists on the other side, but for whatever reason he’s obviously more comfortable with it now. That fact alone gives him a warm feeling he wishes he could express. “I’m not saying that’s what you need to do, but maybe one day, when you can see yourself the way I see you….”

He doesn’t know where these words are coming from or why Ed’s looking at him like longtime lover, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care if it’s the whiskey or the pain or whatever it is that’s bringing them together because it doesn’t matter. Not now. Not when he’s looking at him that way. Roy leans up suddenly and presses his lips to Ed’s. He wraps his arms around him and pulls him down, needing him to be even closer than he already is. He doesn’t know how or why but Ed’s seen inside him more than anyone he’s ever known and he needs this. He wants this and he tries to put all these things he can’t say into his kiss. 

Ed responds to the kiss without hesitation. He presses his body tightly down on Roy and rocks ever so slightly against him and the touch kindles a fire deep inside of Roy. This isn’t like the first kiss, desperate and needy. This is slow and shared and _right_. Roy’s fingers curl against Ed’s back and draw down slowly, tracing the hard muscles through the fabric of his thin, dark shirt. Their tongues tangle in a hot, intricate caress and once again Roy thinks about the similarities between them and he wants to see the same as Ed did. He runs his left hand up Ed’s side then down his arm. The cool automail is a welcome touch and he pushes up the sleeve as much as he can to feel more. His fingers trace the smooth metal but then freeze when Ed breaks the kiss and pulls back. Did he push too far?

Roy looks up to find Ed smiling down at him with a look that is somewhere between obscenely sultry and tenderly compassionate. Roy doesn’t know how he can manage both at the same time, but then all thoughts about his complexity vanish when Ed reaches down and slowly draws his long sleeve shirt up and over his head. The dark fabric ends up tossed away somewhere Roy doesn’t notice because he can’t tear his eyes away from the stunning sight above him. 

Age and years have taken their toll on him the same as they have to Roy, but it’s not the pale skin and less than perfectly toned body that he notices. He’s not out of shape by any means and he’s filled out in a way that makes Roy’s mouth water, but it’s the complete disregard for the imperfections that affects him more than anything else. He can identify bullet wounds and probably knife scars, but those can be found marring any soldier. It’s the other scars, the rough, heavy pinks ones spreading over his shoulder from under his automail that draw his attention. Those are unique and somehow seeing them makes his own flaws seem so much less important. 

Roy leans up and impulsively brings his lips to trace over the marred skin on his right shoulder and he doesn’t miss the soft gasp Ed makes. Ed’s arms go around him and he glides his tongue lightly over the uneven scar before covering the whole area in kisses. Ed’s arms tighten around him more and his fingers slide up the back of Roy’s neck and through his hair. Ed seems genuinely surprised by his actions, but he shouldn’t be. If Ed can see past his imperfections, why shouldn’t he expect Roy to do the same?

“Roy….” His name sounds low and guttural on Ed’s lips and the desire laced tone sends heat spreading through Roy’s body. There’s no mistaking the need in his voice because Roy feels the same way. He kisses over Ed’s shoulder once more then traces his way over his collarbone to suck lightly at his throat. Ed groans low at the touch and Roy smiles against his skin. He doesn’t know the last time he felt wanted like this. He pulls back to see the wanton need in Ed’s eyes and he instantly knows he’s _never_ been wanted quite like this before. 

“The door behind you.” Roy wets his lips when his own voice is huskier than he expects. “It’s my bedroom.” Ed nods then surprises him by leaning forward and kissing him slow and deep. Ed’s hand slides behind his head to hold him tight to the kiss and the possessive nature of the touch causes Roy to moan low in the back of his throat. This isn’t about pain anymore. It’s not.

Ed breaks the deep kiss to press a soft one to Roy’s now tender lips. Ed smiles slowly then pulls back and slides off Roy’s body to stand by the couch. The move prompts Roy to catch his breath until Ed reaches out a hand to help him up. Roy slides his hand into the waiting cool metal one and Ed tugs him to his feet and into his waiting arms. He hugs him close then without another word turns to lead him by the hand to the bedroom. 

The moment they enter the small room the fleeting thought runs through his mind that’s glad he’s not a slob. The bed’s unmade but other than that it’s not too messy. But then that and all other thoughts leave his mind when Ed turns around once he reaches the bed and kisses him again. Roy sighs into the kiss when Ed’s cool hand caresses his scarred cheek and he melts against him. Ed kisses him until he’s breathless then silently urges him to move to the bed with his touch. Roy eagerly complies and before he knows it Ed’s crawling down on the bed beside him. 

Roy tries to reach for him again but this time Ed stops him with a mischievous grin. “My turn, isn’t it?” He reaches out to unfasten Roy’s military coat and Roy does his best to help him with the fastenings. Once the coat is tossed off the end of the bed Roy takes to unbuttoning his white shirt under the watchful gaze of Ed’s hungry eyes. The sight gives him more confidence and he pulls the shirt off with deliberate slowness. Ed seems to pick up on his intent because as soon as the shirt’s off Roy’s suddenly staring at the ceiling as Ed pounces him to the bed.

Hot breath and warm lips caress his neck and Roy wraps his arms tight around Ed as he climbs on top of him. Roy tilts his head back, exposing more sensitive skin to Ed’s hungry kiss and this time he’s the one grinding his hips up against Ed. Ed responds by rubbing down against him and Roy groans out long and low. He’s mindless with want, the slow build only intensifying it, and he tries to form words to express his desire but all he can manage is to moan out Ed’s name.

“Want you,” Ed whispers against his ear and Roy nods as his breath quickens. There’s no way he could deny him. But then Ed pulls back and Roy looks up at him, puzzled. Where’s he going? Roy reaches out for him again but Ed puts his hand on his chest. “Do you….” Ed glances around the bedroom then back down at him again. “Supplies? Do you have lube?”

Roy blinks at him stupidly until his lust addled brain process the words. Fuck. He hasn’t…in so long. He’s been so dedicated to his work. Roy shakes his head then grabs Ed’s wrist when he pulls back slightly. “Lotion. I have lotion in the bathroom.” It’s not ideal, but it’ll work. They’ll make it work. 

Ed smiles then leans down to give him a tender kiss. “That’ll work,” he tells him softly then pulls slowly away as he slides off the bed and makes his way to the adjacent bathroom. Roy fidgets at the sudden cool he feels without Ed’s warmth. He sits up on the bed then stares toward the open bathroom door. He hears Ed rummaging around and his mind finally catches up with with what they’re doing and he wonders if this isn’t a mistake. There’s no question they’re both half drunk as the edges of Roy’s vision are blurry if he turns his head too fast. Should they wait and think about this? With as broken up as Ed was earlier—

Ed steps out of the bathroom with a bottle of hand lotion and Roy’s thoughts come to a crashing halt. His body responds to the half naked sight before him, but that’s not what changes his mind. His chest swells with emotion at the adoring look Ed gives him and he won’t ruin this with words or questions. Those can wait until the morning. As Ed walks toward him and climbs back on the bed Roy greets him with open arms and a heart that’s surprisingly not dead in his chest after all. He still isn’t sure about everything, but knows Ed isn’t using him. If he knows anything he knows that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated ;-)


	6. Chapter 6

At least that’s what he thought.

No, he knows better that that, but it would be a lot easier to believe if Ed hadn’t disappeared the next morning. Yes, he left a note saying he’d talk to him soon and telling him “Thank you,” but he didn’t realize that would mean he’d be disappearing for nearly a week! As it is no one’s seen him or heard from him in or out of the office and Roy’s been forced to cover for him and he’s _not_ pleased about it. Running away from him is one thing, but shirking his responsibilities is another. When Falman came in today with a letter bearing Ed’s scrawl across it he nearly took his head off in an effort to find out where it came from. He should have known Falman was just delivering his correspondences as usual.

And now he’s spent the last fifteen minutes staring at the unopened envelope on his desk. 

_Roy_

It’s the only thing written on the outside of the envelope and he has to wonder how it was delivered at all. Has Ed been skulking around town somewhere out of sight? He finally went by his apartment yesterday and the neighbor told him they hadn’t seen Ed all week. What’s going on? Roy eyes the envelope once more and finally snatches it up. He’s wary to see what’s inside, but it seems like he won’t be getting any answers until he does. He uses a letter opener to slit one end of the envelope then pulls out a couple folded sheets of paper. He spreads them out on his desk then takes a deep breath and reads.

_Roy,_

_If things go right you won’t be getting this until Friday. I’m sorry for that, but I needed some time to—well I’ll get to that. Please don’t me mad at Vato for holding this for me. I’m sure he’ll be the only one in the office this early and I have no doubt he won’t want to do it, but I don’t plan on giving him a choice. You know how convincing I can be. Anyway, you’re probably wondering what’s going on._

_Please believe I didn’t want to leave things the way they were. But after talking to you ~~last night~~ Monday night I knew I couldn’t have this conversation face to face. It’s not you. I’m the one who’s hidden things and I know I’d never be able to say this to your face. You mean too much to—and I’m getting ahead of myself again. I guess I better start with the beginning._

_Remember when you asked me if there was another you on the other side? Well, like I said, there was, but I didn’t tell you everything. I couldn’t, but now I have to. I guess I’ll just say it. He wasn’t just a friend. No, it was more than that. We had a relationship and it about killed me when Maes turned him in. But—_

Roy puts the letter down and leans back in his chair. He press the heels of his hands over his eye and eye patch. He blows out a long breath and tries to ignore the tightening in his chest. He should’ve known he was seeing too much. He should’ve known it wasn’t really about him. Has that what this has been about all along, Ed trying to connect with an old lover? Is that all he is?

He sucks in a shaky breath and runs his hands down his face. His expression hardens and he’s tempted to reach for his alchemy gloves and incinerate the letter where it sits. But he can’t, at least not until he finishes it. He grabs the paper with less care than before and quickly scans it to find where he left off.

_We had a relationship and it about killed me when Maes turned him in. But this is what you need to understand. Roy, it wasn’t about him._

_It was about you._

_Now I’m sure you probably don’t believe me and you’re probably pissed and ready to shred, or more likely burn this, but don’t. Hear me out and believe me when I say it was never about him. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I cared about him, but it was for all the wrong reasons. When we met it took everything in me not to provoke an argument just for old time sake. But that was the thing, he wasn’t like you. He’d never seen war and was less…of a hard ass. We were both scientists and equals and I got to really know him, and I think, in a way, got to know you. At least that’s what I believed._

_I didn’t think I’d ever get back here, Roy, and when I found him, after awhile, I realized it was you that I found. At least in my mind. It was then I realized how I really felt about you and you don’t know how much it upset me when Al couldn’t tell me how you got that eye patch and demotion in rank. It was knowing him that let me believe I finally understood you and when I lost him…I thought I’d lost you again. But when I ended up back here and realized it was because of you I thought that maybe, somehow, you felt the same way._

_Stupid, right? You had to still see me as the kid in your head. I knew it and I pushed all this down inside so I could try and get to know you instead of him. No, you aren’t the same, but I was right on a lot of things I figured out about you. You are honest and good and really do care more about others than your damn self. And when you looked at me like you really wanted me, I couldn’t help myself. I know I should’ve been honest, but I couldn’t. And that’s why I needed some space._

_I’m down in South City, or I will be when you get this. There’s a Colonel down here who’s been at me to help him out with a project. I plan on telling him I have your ok, and I know you’ll probably be pissed about that, but I need to get away and I know that guy would love for me to transfer to his command and if you can’t handle this…._

_I’ll be waiting to hear from you. And Roy, I’m sorry I wasn’t honest._

_It was always about you._

_~Ed_

Roy continues to stare at the pages long after he’s finished reading and he hardly knows what to think. The lead weight is out of his stomach, but he still feels mixed up inside. He doesn’t know what to think. To know that Ed was with someone just like him…it’s as twisted and creepy as it is flattering. He doesn’t know what it means, but it does explain a lot of things that’ve happened since he’s been back. The way he’d give him that knowingly fond look, or the fact he’s addressed him as “Roy” almost from the beginning instead of Mustang or Bastard Colonel, or one of a dozen other things that flash through his mind all at the same time. 

Roy stands quickly and grabs up the pages. He folds them and shoves them into the inside pocket of his jacket. He needs to think, to clear his head and he can’t do that here. He grabs his long back coat from the back of his chair and heads out of his private office. He doesn’t know where he’s going, but he’ll figure it out. As for the rest of this…he has no idea.

~*~*~*~

It took him three whole days before he could think about writing a response. In the mean time he filled out the required paperwork to “loan out” Ed’s military services. He made sure to stipulate that it was just on a temporary basis and only until the project was completed. To be honest, he’s still not even sure what he’s doing down there. He doesn’t really care as long as it’s not permanent. 

It took him four more days to actually mail the letter. He wasn’t trying to be spiteful, which he won’t be surprised if Ed doesn’t believe. He just needed some time before responding and making this all real. It’s a stupid thought, but until he officially acknowledged Ed’s letter he could almost pretend it was all a fantasy. He’d considered just ignoring all the relevant information and trying to pretend nothing ever happened between them. But then he remembered the way Ed looked at him and deep inside he knows it wasn’t fake. He was looking at _him_ , scars and all, and he couldn’t wipe that away. He had to move forward, so against the inner protests inside him he sent a response. He was actually shocked at how fast he got the reply.

Roy unfolds the new letter as he relaxes on his couch he hasn’t been able to look at the same way since Ed had him pinned down on it. He has a glass containing the remainder of the scotch bottle they split and he settles in to read. 

_Roy, or should I say, General Bastard_

Roy smiles at the insult because he can almost hear Ed saying it. He takes a sip of the scotch and briefly closes his eyes as he remembers the way the liquor tasted on Ed’s lips. A warmth fills him that has nothing to do with the whiskey and he focuses on the letter again. 

_I should have known you’d have to be difficult. Do you realize I’ve been going out of my mind down here waiting for your reply? I bet you stalled on purpose just to keep me twisting. I should do that same thing, but then you had to go and ask all these questions so I hope you’re happy. You’ll get this as soon at possible. Bastard._

_First off, no we don’t go to Jonas’ Pub because it reminds me of times with him. Roy—no, I can’t call him that. He’s not you. I’ll call him the Professor from now on. Anyway, the Professor wasn’t much of a drinker. He was too wrapped up in his research. He’d have a glass of wine with enough prodding, but he hated pubs. Said they were dirty. See, told you he wasn’t you!_

_Secondly, why did you have to bring up Al again? I told you, it’s too hard. I am glad to hear he and Winry seem to be doing well and thank you for looking into that for me. But I can’t see him. Didn’t you see how fast he got away from me? Ok, maybe you didn’t see, but you had to notice. We’re both moving on with life. Just leave it at that._

_Finally, and I still can’t believe you asked this, yes you were better than him. Seriously? I bet you were just messing with me with that question, but yes you are a much better lover than he ever was. To be honest I had to damn well beg him for it. Did I mention he was wrapped up in his work? Oh, he liked it once I got him into—dammit! Why are we talking about this? Of course it meant more with you and you have no idea how damn hard it was for me to walk away from you sleeping all fucking mussed and sexy—_

_And that’s so why you asked, isn’t it?_

_Bastard._

_Yes, that night was the night I’d been looking for ever since I got to know the Professor. I wanted you, Roy. That hasn’t changed. Oh, and yes, I guess I am glad you weren’t lusting after the me that I was when I left because you’re right, that would have been a little creepy._

_~Ed_

_P.S. Are you still getting those headaches? I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but I’ve been wondering if it’s because of the patch. You may not be able to see with it, but as you said the eye isn’t completely useless. Maybe the headaches are from disuse? I don’t know. I just thought it might be something to think about._

Roy smiles softly at the words because Ed’s voice is so clear in them. He wonders if it’s the same for Ed reading his letters. He looks over the last paragraph again then reaches up to touch the patch covering so much of his face. He felt a headache starting as soon as he sat down but he wanted to read the letter before looking for a painkiller. His fingers trace the patch and then with a slight hesitation he takes it off.

His left eye throbs when uncovered to the light, but the pain quickly dulls. He’s not sure, but he thinks his headache might have lessened a bit too. Roy traces his fingers down his left cheek. Maybe he should consider not wearing the patch at home anymore. The headaches have been getting worse and if this helps…. Roy smiles to himself because if it helps it seems he’ll have one more thing to thank Ed for. He finishes off his glass then pushes up off the couch. He has a letter to write.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated ;-)


	7. Chapter 7

Roy stares across his desk at the _very_ unexpected visitor. This is definitely not where he expected his day to go. She showed up while he was anxiously waiting to see if another letter from Ed would come today and he has no idea what to say. Even all these years later he’s still uncomfortable in her presence.

“Thank you for seeing me General.”

He looks over at Winry and doesn’t miss the sparkling ring on her left hand as she brushes a stray hair from her face. Why is she here? She couldn’t have heard about he and Ed, could she? No one knows yet that he knows of, but he also has no idea if Ed’s mentioned it to anyone. Would he have told her? He’s really not sure how he’d feel about that. Wirny shifts on her feet and he realizes she must be waiting for him to acknowledge her. 

“It’s no problem, Miss Rockbell. But I have to admit, I’m at a loss. Is there something I can do for you?” 

“It’s Winry, and I hope so.” She smiles what seems to be a genuine smile and Roy relaxes a fraction. With her he’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. She reaches with her right hand to toy with the ring on her left and then looks down almost as if she didn’t realize she was doing it. She looks to Roy again and he doesn’t miss the way her expression suddenly seems more tense. “Actually, I have news.” She takes a breath then says in a rush, “Al and I are engaged.”

He’s not understanding her demeanor. Is she not happy about the news? She’s fidgeting with the ring again and Roy forces a smile to his lips in the face of the conflicting signals. “Congratulations. That’s good news, isn’t it?” He nearly doesn’t ask, but considering the uncomfortable look on her face and the unease he usually feels around her he’d like to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible.

“What? Oh, yes. Yes, it is. It’s just—” She looks down at the ring on her finger once more then raises her head to look at Roy directly. He forces himself not to waver under her hard stare and just barely manages it. “You’ve been seeing Ed a lot, haven’t you?”

Roy’s eyes widen and his mouth goes dry. How could she know? Surely Ed wouldn’t have really told her, would he? Roy shifts in his chair and deliberately looks away. How does he answer this? He swallows hard and attempts to side step the best he can. “We have, I mean he’s my subordinate so we do see each other quite often. We—”

“I can’t believe Al was right.” Laugher fills the office and Roy jerks his head to look at her again only to find her smiling. Her amused eyes back up the fact she’s not mocking him and he can only stare at her in question. “I’m sorry, Al just told me about someone they used to know and….” She shakes her head and Roy has a sinking suspicion he knows who she’s talking about. “I’m sorry. Al just told me that he thought, if there were a chance, you and and Ed might be…close.”

Roy stares back at her, careful to keep his face expressionless, and considers denying her implications. But, he can’t come up with a good reason for it. Obviously Al’s told her about their past, or at least some aspects of it, and he wonders if maybe that’s why she’s here. Could she know about the worst of it? If not he won’t tell her, but at the same time maybe she could be an unexpected ally. “Yes, you could say something like that.” To his surprise her smile grows and he’s not sure what to think of that. “Is there…something I can help you with?”

“I hope so.” She crosses her arms stubbornly and Roy’s eyes widen at the suddenly resolute look on her face. “I’m hoping you can help me get these two idiots to stop acting like…idiots!”

~*~*~*~

The plan took almost two weeks to set up and even at the last minute Roy was afraid it would fall through. Ed was only just coming back to Central and the last thing he wanted to do for his homecoming was to piss him off. But even if he does, it’s for a good reason. He has to say he agrees with Winry’s assertion that Ed and Al have been acting like idiots concerning their return to Amestris. He just hopes this doesn’t blow up in their well meaning faces. 

Roy had Havoc pick Ed up from the train station because he was afraid if he did it himself he might back out of the plan once he saw him. It’s been a long few months apart and once they got beyond Ed’s past concerning the “Professor” their letters have taken on a much more erotic twist. Roy knows they could’ve taken to making phone calls, but for some reason, by silent agreement, they continued the letter writing. Roy smiles to himself because one good thing about the letters is the fact that they can be reread and he’s done his fair share of rereading. 

Roy checks his pocket watch for the time when the sound of familiar voices causes him to step behind one of the large pillars in the hotel lobby. He holds his breath as they come closer and hopes they can get up stairs as soon as possible. He’s been concerned about the timing of this venture since he saw the expected arrival time of Ed’s train. Hopefully Havoc is able to distract him long enough. 

“I still don’t see why we had to come all the way to Central for an automail convention. Couldn’t you have found one anywhere else?”

“I’ve heard really good things about this one, Al. Come on, its just a few days. Now lets get checked in so we can relax a little while before dinner, okay?”

Roy hazards a glance around the pillar once they reach the hotel desk and Winry shoots him a brief worried glance. Thankfully the concierge doesn’t take too long getting them the key to the agreed upon room. Roy steps back into his hiding place as they head for the stairs and it isn’t a moment too soon because Ed’s already making his way to the front door now. Roy waits until he can’t be seen by Winry and Al then heads to the front of the lobby to intercept Ed.

Ed’s entire face lights up the instant he sees him and Roy inwardly cringes considering this whole meeting is one huge deceit. Ed’s still carrying his bag from the train and Roy smiles at the sight of him still in military uniform. Blue really does look good on him. Ed’s eyes darken as he gets closer and his voice is a low purr Roy’s only heard in his his dreams for weeks. 

“Jean said you had a surprise for me but I didn’t expect this.” Ed glances around briefly then gets closer than he probably should to Roy as he lowers his voice. “Your place would’ve been more than fine, Roy. But, I like the way you think.” 

Ed grins mischievously and Roy takes a careful step back as he pulls the room key from his pocket. “Well, I hope you still like your surprise as soon as you see the rest of it.” 

“Oh , I have no doubt I will,” Ed replies and Roy feels even more guilty as he leads him up the stairs. The tension between them is building with each step and it takes every bit of willpower he has not to run back down stairs and demand another key. Why couldn’t Winry have picked another time for this? Yes, she has a wedding she wants to plan once this is out of the way, but it’s still horrible timing! They reach the door on the second floor soon enough and one look at Ed tells him he needs to find a way to stall him or this might be much more uncomfortable than it needs to be.

“Now, before you get to carried away, there’s something I need to show you. Alright?” Ed scowls in a way that makes Roy want to kiss it away as he fits the key into the lock, but somehow he keeps himself in check.

“Fine, fine, just make it quick. I’ve been looking forward to this for far too—” Ed’s words cut off the instant the door opens and he steps inside. Roy closes the door behind him and blocks it as Ed spins around. “What the hell?! What did you do? Why would you—”

“Don’t get mad at him, Ed. I’m the one who talked him into it.” Ed spins around as Winry stands up from where she was sitting on the bed with Al. Ed crosses his arms stubbornly as Al just looks away. “Don’t even start, Edward. I’ve heard enough from Al already and I’ve had it. You’re both acting like idiots and I won’t have this stupid rift between you ruining my wedding!” Winry’s voice wavers, obviously on the edge of tears, and Ed’s eyes widen at the information that’s obviously news to him. “Now, talk to your brother. PLEASE! I can’t live with this a moment longer!!”

Ed stares at her for a long moment then casts a quick glance to his brother who’s looking down at the bedspread. Roy can all but see the wheels turning in his head as he narrows his eyes at her. “Fine. Get out.” Winry’s eyes widen in obvious surprise but Roy barely has a chance to process it because Ed spins around to glare at him. Ed gives him a hard stare then steps forward and jerks the room key from Roy’s hand. “You too.” His voice is hard edged but then it softens slightly as he adds, “We’ll talk about this later.”

“I’m sorry, Ed,” he whispers softly then opens the door behind him and heads out without another word. Winry follows him out and they both stare at the door as it’s locked behind them. Tears slip down Winry’s cheeks silently and Roy stands up straighter. It’s done and now there’s nothing for them to do but wait. He looks over to the shaken woman beside him and asks softly, “Can I buy you a coffee or something?”

She whips her head to look at him with red rimmed eyes and for an instant he’s certain he’s over stepped his bounds. But then she gives him the barest hint of a smile. “If you throw in something chocolate too you’ve got a deal.”

~*~*~*~

Two coffees a piece and a box of chocolate truffles later they had to go their separate ways. Twice they went to the room to find it still locked and on the third trip Winry announced she needed some alone time. He was feeling the same way and asked her to let Ed know he was going to wait in his office which was only a short walk away. The weather was cold and brisk and did nothing to help his mood. Now he’s been waiting in his office for no telling how long and with each minute that ticks by he wonders if he did the right thing. Ed told him more than once to leave it alone and instead he ambushed him with it. 

What was he thinking?

Why did Winry have to be so convincing?

What if Ed decides this was one betrayal too far?

Roy knows he’s probably over reacting. This is very well could be how Ed felt when he ran down to South City, but that doesn’t make him feel any better. He betrayed him, or at least forced him into a situation he wasn’t prepared for and the longer this takes the more he regrets it. Roy pushes up from his desk and walks around it to pace the floor for probably the hundredth time since he made it back here. If Ed doesn’t forgive him for this he doesn’t know what he’ll—

A soft knock at the door freezse him in mid stride and he spins around to face the door. He has to clear his throat when the words stick in his throat but finally he manages to say, “Come in.”

The door opens to reveal Ed, sans blue military coat but sill in his white traveling gloves. His face is hard and expressionless but determination blazes in his eyes. He stares straight at Roy then crosses the room in a couple quick strides and pulls Roy into a hard, aggressive kiss. 

It’s the last thing Roy expected, but he’s only taken off guard for a moment before he turns the tables on Ed and kisses him back just as hard. He wraps his arm around Ed’s lower back and leans him back in an imitation of a dancers dip as he deepens the kiss even more. He didn’t know until right now how completely devastated he’d be without him and he needs Ed to know it too. He was hurt when he left, but after the letters, after everything it’s taken to get here with him, he can’t ever let him go again. He runs his other hand over Ed’s ass then down the back his thigh. He tugs behind his knee to get even closer and Ed clings to him as he’s leaned back even more. Right now he’d love to sweep Ed off his feet and carry him away but he should probably start by letting him stand on both feet again.

Roy reluctantly releases Ed’s thigh and after lunging forward to deepen the kiss again he breaks it reluctantly. He doesn’t let go of him though and thankfully Ed doesn’t pull away. Instead Ed uses his teeth to tear the glove off his right hand then reaches up and traces Roy’s scarred cheek.

“Dammit, when I first saw you I was so worked up I didn’t even realize.” Ed’s eyes widen in wonder as he continues to lightly touch Roy’s face. “When did you stop wearing it?” Ed leans closer to kiss down the scar and Roy’s arms tighten around him even more.

“I guess I finally realized that sometimes…‘it’s nice to tell the world to just fuck off.’” Ed’s eyes widen in recognition of the words and Roy can only smile. He never would have considered losing the patch but for the strength he gained from that one night with Ed. Once he realized the headaches subsided without the patch he had to try going without it in public. He’d started just with those close to him, but with Ed in mind the whole time he finally got to the point he could toss it aside altogether. He smiles back at Ed then dips his head to kiss his lips. “Don’t tell me you don’t like it.”

“The hell I don’t!” Roy chuckles at the response and moves to kiss his neck until Ed pushes him back slightly with hands on his chest. “You didn’t have to do that, you know. I mean, I’m thrilled you would, that you could. I mean….”

“Ed.” 

“Yeah?” Ed blinks at him and tilts his head in that adorable way Roy only now realizes how much he adores. Roy cups his jaw then brushes his thumb across his full lower lip.

“Shut up and kiss me.” 

And that’s all that needs to be said. Yes, they still have things to talk about, one primary thing being Roy’s surprise request to have Ed move in with him. He doubts Ed will want to stay in his small military rent house, but a general really should have better lodgings and Ed’s the perfect person to help him find one. He also wants to know about what happened with Al, but from his reaction he has to believe it went well. If not he and Winry may just have to lock them in another room until it is. But all those things can come later. 

For now, he just wants this one happy moment with Ed.

And a million more to follow after. 

It’s not like they haven’t earned it after all. 

  


This is the beautiful artwork by [**RemaintoBreathe**](http://remaintobreathe.livejournal.com/) that inspired this all. A huge thanks to her for letting me be a part of this. :-)

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated ;-)


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